Page 80 of Along Came a Rogue

Oh, how much she wanted to do exactly that! She wanted to marry him, give him a family and a home, grow old together surrounded by children and grandchildren…But at what cost to the future he deserved? And to her heart? She’d survived being abandoned once by a husband who grew to hate her; she would never survive it by Grey.

“I can’t,” she breathed, her hand pressing hard against her chest, as if she could physically prevent her heart from breaking.

“Because I’m not good enough for you,” he said quietly, his voice carefully even.

She nodded, unable to put words to her deceit.

“That same old lie again, brat?” With a tired sigh, he pushed himself out of bed and walked slowly toward her. “I didn’t believe it the first time you told me, and I don’t believe it now.”

“It’s true! We are different.” She pushed at him to put him away, but the blasted man only shifted closer, until he held her once more within the circle of his arms. “You weren’t born into society—”

He shrugged. “I’ve achieved it.”

“Not completely.”

“Close enough.” His eyes gleamed with resolve.

She shuddered with dread, knowing he was fully prepared for battle this time. “You’re an army officer—”

“I’m a major.”

“But everyone believes you’re the son of a blacksmith who has the audacity to climb into their ranks.”

“And you’re a widow who can have the audacity to do as she pleases. Including marrying the son of a blacksmith who became a major.”

Her heart wrenched in aggravation at his arguments. “You’re a born adventurer. For heaven’s sake!” She pointed adamantly at the window. “You came through my window on a rope! Any normal person would have come announced through the front door.”

With a wolfish grin, he lowered his head and brushed his lips along the side of her neck. “I couldn’t have made love to you if I’d come announced through the front door.”

A groan of frustration rose from her as he looped a finger over her neckline and tugged it down to run his lips over the top swells of her breasts.

“Grey,” she pleaded, knowing she was losing the battle. And if he kept touching her like this—she gasped as his tongue slipped beneath her night rail to lick across her nipple—oh, dear heavens, she’d lose the war!

“Who wants normal, anyway?” he purred. He gave another tug at her gown and freed a single breast completely to his greedy eyes and seeking lips, and his tongue teased at her nipple as much as his words teased at her heart. “Normal is boring. Normal is for county squires and society dullards who have nothing better to do with their days than waltz at balls and—”

He froze, his lips stilling against her.

When he lifted his head to stare down into her eyes in the dark shadows, she caught her breath at the accusation on his face. He’d figured out the truth, this man who had always been able to read her so easily—God help her, he knew!

“Emily?” he asked, a mix of incredulity and dread underlying his deep voice. “Please tell me I’m wrong. Tell me your refusal isn’t why I think.”

Shamefully averting her eyes, she shook her head as she stepped back from the warmth of his arms. Despite the anguish burning inside her, she was unable to deny it. “I won’t trap you, Grey.”

“Trap me? You wouldn’t be trapping me into marriage. I proposed to you because I wanted to marry you, and no other reason.” Then his eyes narrowed suspiciously, and he asked quietly, “But that’s not the kind of entrapment you mean, is it? You mean the marriage itself.”

She nodded, knowing that she wasn’t simply burning bridges between them now; she was blowing them up, shattering them into a million splinters that she’d never be able to put back together. “You’ll regret marrying me. Not the first year, perhaps not the second…but you will once you finally realize all you had to give up.”

He stared at her, stunned. “I’m not giving up anything to marry—”

“You’ll have to give up your promotion in Spain and your work with the War Office.” Her words were not a question. “You can’t be a field agent and have a wife, can you?”

He hesitated, and in that heartbeat’s pause, she saw the solemn realization darken his face before he could stop it. “I can do other work for them besides fieldwork.”

She shook her head as the sadness rushed through her in a breathless shudder. “Even if they let you continue on, you’d be put into an administrative position, completing reports and papers and stripped from all you love about your work, all you’ve fought so hard to achieve.” Tears blurred her vision until she could no longer see the mix of emotions on his face, and she was glad for it, because she didn’t think she could bear the heartache and disbelief she saw there. “You told me so yourself that your freedom and your work mean everything to you. And if I take that away—oh God, Grey, you’ll hate me for it!”

“I would never hate you, brat,” he promised with fierce resolve. “I love you.”

She inhaled a sharp, jagged breath at the bold declaration. The pain was blinding. This should have been the happiest moment of her life, the words she’d been waiting to hear since she was sixteen and gave her first kiss to him. Instead, they sliced at her already-raw heart. She shook her head. “You’ll hate me, and I couldn’t bear to go through that again.”