Page 40 of Once a Scoundrel

She swallowed hard and admitted in a whisper, “Because I know how important she is to you.”

He murmured, “So are you.”

Beneath the exhaustion of the past two days and her own foolishness of the past four years, she was unable to stop a tear from falling down her cheek.

“I care about you, Faith. I would never do anything to hurt you.” His face filled with concern for her, and he gently wiped away the tear with his thumb. “Please believe that.”

She couldn’t hold back the flood of tears at his tender words. “I’m so sorry, Stephen,” she choked out between sobs, unable to keep down the swelling emotions inside her chest a moment longer. “I’m so sorry for not believing you...for doubting you...”

He stared at her, saying nothing. The unbearable silence was broken only by the merciless pounding of her heart, each beat a pained pang of dread and loss.

“If you can find it in your heart, please forgive me.” She pressed her hand against her chest, as if she could physically tamp down the rising fear that she’d lost him before he was ever truly hers. She whispered so softly that the words were barely more than a breath, “If you care about me at all...”

“I do, more than you know.” He cupped her face in his hands and lowered his head to touch his lips tenderly to hers. “But I can’t forgive you when—”

“Miss! I heard a noise!” Polly ran into the room, and Stephen straightened immediately.

The young maid stopped short and stared at him. Her face blossomed into a bright smile of relief as she lowered into an awkward curtsy.

“Your lordship!” Then she saw Faith and frowned at her tears. “Miss?”

Faith pulled back from him. As she turned away, she swiped at her tears and saw Stephen’s concern for her darken his face. But he hadn’t forgiven her, and once more her heart was breaking.

“Polly,” Stephen acknowledged with a nod at the young maid. “Thank you for being here.”

“Good to have yer lordship returned, sir.” Polly hurried forward to the bedside to check on Mary. “We’ve been our wits’ ends. Dr. Howston tended to her yesterday morning. I was watchin’ her an’ Mrs. Bailey was keepin’ Jeremy, when Lady Faith an’ Her Grace arrived. Saved her life, they did.”

At the compliment, Faith reached within herself to somehow keep her dignity when what she wanted to do was tuck herself into a little ball until the pain faded. Until she could sort through all the emotions churning inside her and somehow salvage the pieces of her heart.

“What do we do next, miss?” Polly looked at her expectantly, as if she held all of life’s answers in the palm of her hand. Oh, the furthest thing from the truth!

She shook her head, her vision blurring with hot tears. “I can’t...I justcan’t...” She swallowed hard, choking back the roiling knot of emotions rising to the surface and the sheer exhaustion sweeping over her. “Please tend to Mrs. Halstead,” she forced out the pleading order around the suffocating knot in her throat. “I need air. I need to breathe and—”

She fled from the room, plunging herself into the dark hall and hurrying through the silent shadows. Her breath came hard and fast and shallow, her heart beating frantically. She had no idea where she was going, only that she needed to flee and put as much distance between herself and Stephen as possible.

Reaching the end of the hall, she flung open the door of a guestroom and ran inside. Her hands grabbed for the back of a chair, and she clung to it, as if it were the only thing in the world keeping her from falling away. She’d been such a fool! And now everything between them was irreparably destroyed.

“Faith?” he whispered, his deep voice raspy with concern.

She tensed as Stephen stepped into the room with her, then shut the door behind him, locking them together in the shadows.

Oh, why wouldn’t he simply leave her be? Didn’t he realize how torturous it was for her to be in the same room with him, knowing that she’d ruined everything between them? She hadn’t trusted him, had been unwilling to believe that he’d changed—

Now that she knew the truth, it was too late.

“Please leave,” she whispered, unable to find her voice beneath the pain pulsing inside her and the realization of all she’d lost.

“I won’t do that,” he assured her as he forward. “You’re upset, and I care too much about you to let you cry alone.”

He stopped behind her, not touching yet close enough that she could feel the heat of his body warming hers.

“You care about me?” she whispered, the breathless words shattering the darkness. She didn’t dare hope...

“Very much.”

She squeezed her eyes shut against the tears. “But you said you can’t...can’t forgive me...”

“Because there’s nothing to forgive.”