Page 34 of Once a Scoundrel

Chapter Eight

Faith picked a chrysanthemum and sank onto the nearby bench. The afternoon was growing late, and soon she’d have to go inside for tea with the ladies. But for now, she was content to be alone in the garden, alone with her misery and confusion.

As Papa had requested, Stephen left that morning. He’d stayed just long enough to speak to his parents at breakfast, then quietly stepped into his carriage and left for London. Faith had no idea what he’d said to them or what excuses he made for leaving the party early, but now Lady Emily beamed a bright and happy smile at her whenever Faith walked into the room. So to avoid all awkward conversations, Faith had escaped the house for the gardens.

With a heavy sigh, she plucked at the tiny petals. If only it were that easy to escape love.

Oh yes, she’d fallen in love with Stephen. She’d accepted that, although acceptance didn’t make the situation any easier or alleviate her fears of being hurt again. After all, she’d loved him before, too, and the wounding he’d given her had nearly undone her.

But for him to return to her like this, whispering apologies and promises of a future just when she’d finally moved on...How could she be confident that the rogue he’d been was truly gone forever and that he wouldn’t revert to his old ways? All she had was his word, and she knew first-hand how little his word had been worth.

Confusion and exasperation rioted inside her until she didn’t know what to believe or think, didn’t have anything about him that her heart could cling to with certainty. Worse—the romance of the carefully planned picnic, all the flattery, all the kisses he’d so easily taken from her in an attempt to manipulate her...Thatwas purely the old Stephen, a man who cared about nothing but getting whatever he wanted. His goals might have changed from four years ago, but his methods of pursuing them remained the same.

And if that hadn’t changed about him, how could she believe that he’d changed where it mattered most, in his commitments and resolve? Because she knew that if she pledged her life to him, only for him to fall back into old ways, he would not simply break her heart but shatter it beyond all repair.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Oh, she couldn’t bear it!

“Faith?”

She wiped at her eyes to erase any tears which might be visible and forced a smile as her mother approached. “Yes, Mama.”

“You’ve been gone from the house for a good while.” Her mother sat beside her on the bench and handed her a handkerchief from her sleeve. “Are you all right?”

“I will be.” Many years from now, when she was old and gray and had finally stopped loving Stephen Crenshaw.

Mama squeezed her hand. “Love is never easy, is it?”

Easy?She nearly laughed despite her heartache. For her, love was proving downright impossible.

Mama paused and lowered her voice. “Is it the gossip about Mrs. Halstead that’s causing you such distress?”

“No.” And it truly wasn’t. Those rumors would be quelled if they married and Mary Halstead relocated away from Elmhurst Park.

“Well, that’s good, then,” her mother assured her soothingly.She asked gently, “Does Stephen make you happy?”

“No...yes...oh, I don’t know!” She groaned and hung her head in her hands.

“To be that confused about a man, it must be love.” Mama smiled knowingly and slipped her arm around her shoulders. “And I think he loves you, too, a great deal.

“No,” she whispered sadly, her heart full of doubt, “he doesn’t.”

“You’re underestimating him and the man he’s become.”

“He’s the same man he’s always been,” she answered miserably.

“What makes you think that?”

She drew a deep breath and confided, “When he asked me to marry him, it was so romantic and perfect…Everything I’d always wanted, everything I used to dream about.”

“That’s wonderful.” When Faith didn’t agree, Mama’s smile faded into a worried frown. “Isn’t it?”

With a grimace, Faith dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief and shook her head. “It was all pretense. He used empty flattery and promises to try to manipulate me, just as he always used to do. He didn’t even realize that he was doing it.” Her heart thumped hard against her ribs as she admitted, “It’s the same as before, when he would use women to get whatever he wanted. But now he’s willing to usemeto gain the respectability and acceptance into society he didn’t have before.”

“What did he say when you told him of your concerns?”

“He assured me that he changed, that he would never intentionally hurt me again.” She wrung the handkerchief in her fingers. “The worst part is that I’m certainhebelieves he’s changed. But what if he’s wrong? What proof do I have that he won’t turn back into the scoundrel he once was?”

“Oh my darling.” Mama hugged her close. “He told you that he’s changed, and you need to believe in that.” She placed a tender kiss on Faith’s forehead. “And in him.”