Page 226 of The Art of Almost Losing It
I check my phone. Still nothing from Graham.
Piper’s right. He’s probably busy. I’m not going to stress.
Lulu barks and tries to jump over the balcony to get to the group of young guys who are waving up at us. They are hot in the way unemployed ski bums are.
“Yes, please!” The bachelorettes wave all the hot skiers up.
More chairs are brought by the magical waiters, and I’m sure all that magic is going to show up on Graham’s tab.
Maybe that’s why he’s not speaking to me. Colette’s right, and this trip was a guilt move so that he doesn’t feel bad when he comes to his senses and dumps me later.
“Hi, ladies.”
“We’re all in relationships,” I say loudly.
“Speak for yourself!” Piper giggles.
“That’s okay, I can be poly.” One of the men waggles his eyebrows.
“Yes, please.” Gran grabs the closest two.
One guy with an Italian accent tries to feed me a chocolate-covered strawberry. I wave him off.
“Stop being so boring. This is my bachelorette! Have fun!” Colette orders.
“Yes, have fun,” the man cajoles in an Italian accent.
Colette tosses her hair. “Dani’s got a boyfriend now”—Colette makes air quotes—“and she thinks she’s the first girl in New York to land a guy. She’s so uptight about it. It’s kind of pathetic,really. Especially since her boyfriend’s not that into her. Graham hasn’t texted you once, has he?”
“He’s busy,” I say automatically.
“I’m friends with a lot of women”—the ski bum leans forward—“who are with men who are always ‘busy.’”
“Do you boys like to party, or are you still skiing?” Nora purrs. “We’re staying at the Palace Hotel.”
“We have suites!” Maya says.
“And unlimited drinks!” Greta shimmies her shoulders.
“Does your billionaire boyfriend go down on you?” A ski bum drapes an arm around me.
“What the—what?”
He makes an obscene gesture with his tongue.
“Damn right he does!” Gran crows as my face turns red and I down my wine.
Gran’s hotelroom is decorated with pink-and-white penis decorations. Which means that my hotel room is decorated with these things.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so worried about how it would look and should have spent Graham’s money on one more room that I could escape to, because this one has been turned into penis central.
“Is that an éclair shaped like a dick?”
“Dude, they have a caviar dick mold here.”
The bachelorettes take photos with the novelty penis decorations as the ski bums carry some of the girls in.
“Do you want a fashion show?” Colette straddles one of the ski bums.
