Page 33 of Below the Deck

But then again, she already was, wasn’t she? Not in a way that would draw blood – she was hurting herselfinside, and that was far worse. And she wasn’t just doing it to herself. What she’d been doing all these months – what she wasstill doing– was harming other people too. Perhaps bleeding was her just reward.

‘Do you want to go back into the town – see if we can’t find you a plaster?’ Rory asked.

Talia smiled, touched at his concern. ‘You’re sweet, darling, but no. I’ll be fine – it’s just a scratch.’

His kindness in moments like these only made her feel worse. If only she’d got out of the affair straight away – ended things before they’d started, told the other man it was a mistake, blocked his number, whatever it took – she could have avoided doing any serious damage. No one else would have got hurt, least of all herself. She wouldn’t have been at risk of getting caught and losing everything.

But she hadn’t got out of it. She’d done the opposite: she’d got deeper and deeperin.

‘Phew. Well, I’m about ready to head back anyway, if you are? This heat is really quite something.’

‘That’s fine with me.’

Rory took her face in his palms and leaned in to kiss her. ‘I do love you, darling, very much. You know that, don’t you?’

Talia frowned; these moments of sentimentality were rare for her husband, and usually only happened after they’d had sex – a once-per-month occurrence these days, if that.

She smiled. ‘Of course. And I love you too – very much.’

And it was true: shedidstill love Rory – perhaps more as a friend than a lover, but they’d been together for twenty-odd years – their days of heated passion had cooled to a companionship that was steady, warm, and in many ways fulfilling.

Until now, she’d always been honest, loyal and supportive to her husband, even when he’d embarrassed her with his outdated jokes; even when she’d cringed at his banter that reflected his position as a man of a certain era; a certain upbringing.Despite all that, she did care for him – and it left Talia baffled at exactly how she’d got to this point. At what exactly had happened that led to her starting an affair.

On their ride back downhill, Talia turned the past few months over in her mind. It wasn’t like she’d been going out looking for something to happen – she’d been content with life; she had more than most. She had her husband, two beautiful daughters, a wonderful home, plenty of money, and good health. There was nothing missing – or nothing on the surface, at least.

But something in her changed after both girls left home last year – Nina into her own flat, Chloe away to Cambridge for university. Talia had given up her career as a solicitor after Nina was born: she’d devoted herself to raising her children,picking up some pro bono legal cases to stay busy when they were in school. Now that they were grown, and with only her part-time job at the charity – plus her weekly Pilates sessions and lunch with friends to keep her busy – she had become that cliché of an empty-nester: wandering around their Hampstead townhouse, finding things to clear up, decorating, pottering in the garden … All while feeling slightly flat; empty.

But that’s no excuse. This isn’t who I am. It can’t be.She’d always been revolted by the thought of ending up like her dad, and her grandad before him, carrying on the cycles of infidelity that ran back through her family history like a generational curse. Dad, ‘working away’ most of the week; coming home with an extra spring in his step and the lingering reek of sickly floral perfume in his dirty laundry.

Her mother had turned a blind eye to it, but Talia was all too aware – by the time she hit her mid-teens, she could see her father for exactly who he was: a cheat and a liar, and not even a convincing one, at that. Her mother’s wilful ignorance had come to a shattering end when, on Talia’s eighteenth birthday, he’d confessed that he was in love with someone else – a younger woman, of course; how clichéd – and moved out the next day, leaving his family reeling.

She’d hated him for it. And yet here she was now. Sneaking around behind Rory’s back, lying – and even worse: over time, she’d become good at it. Much better than her father had ever been.

Back on board theLusso, Rory ushered Talia in Michaela’s direction; the stewardess was tidying in the salon.

‘My dear wife managed to get a cut to her finger while wewere on the island,’ he said. ‘See to it that it’s cleaned and patched up, will you?’

As he walked away, Talia gave an exasperated groan. ‘Michaela, there’s really no need. It’s just a scratch.’

Michaela smiled. ‘Well, why don’t you come into the galley with me anyway – I can have a look and grab the first aid kit if we need.’

‘Fine,’ said Talia, with a brisk nod. She followed the stewardess through the salon and into the galley. She’d not been inside the yacht’s kitchen before, and took a moment to admire the gleaming silver surfaces. She sat on a barstool by the counter and held out her hand, as Michaela soaked cotton wool in antiseptic and dabbed it on Talia’s palm.

Just then, the stewardess’s crew radio crackled to life. ‘Captain to First Officer, please confirm all CCTV is back up and running now that guests have re-embarked. Over.’

Then an almost immediate reply: ‘Captain, this is Brett. All cameras now back up and running. Over.’

Talia’s mouth went dry; she thought back to her conversation with Eleni about the cameras, just before the biking tour. She studied Michaela as she neatly cut a plaster to size and gently applied it to Talia’s cut. ‘Isn’t it a little … excessive, to have CCTV running all the time we’re on board?’ she said, attempting levity.

Michaela looked up. ‘It’s just a precaution,’ she said. ‘In case anything goes wrong, and we need to look back to understand what happened.’

Talia nodded. ‘And does it get recorded over, after a day or so?’

She shook her head. ‘Usually not for thirty days. At least, until well after a charter is over.’

Talia pulled her hand away. ‘And does anyone watch it otherwise? If nothing’s gone wrong, I mean?’

Michaela’s eyebrows knitted together. She glanced briefly at the galley door, as if to check no one was outside listening, then turned back to Talia.