Page 18 of Colt

“Beer, if you have any.”

Growing up around the guys I did, I knew to always have beer stocked in my fridge. I grabbed two bottles and handed one to Fitz.

He took a healthy swig from his bottle before turning to me. “So, how’s work going?”

“It’s good. The hospital uses a different system than the one I’m used to, so there has been a bit of a learning curve, but I’m adjusting.”

“Are you happy with your decision to move here?”

There seemed to be more behind his question than he was saying and he was watching me too closely as he was apt to do since I’d moved here, so I didn’t know how I should answer. I was happy with my decision, but as far as anyone knew, I was only here because my brother was locked up. Who would be happy about that? But I knew Fitz caught some of my reactions to Torch. He never said anything directly, but he hinted at it a few times.

I managed to keep my secrets about Torch up to this point, and I didn’t plan on sharing now. No matter how much I trusted Fitz, I couldn’t go there. At least until I came up with a plan but Torch was smarter than I’d given him credit for. I hadn’t been able to figure out a single way to retaliate against him or find the upper hand, at least not yet. Fitz would probably do something stupid if he found out my secrets, and I couldn’t have that hanging over my head.

“I am. With everything going on with James and the rest of my family, this has been a welcomed change.” That was vague, but it answered his question.

But then he decided to be more direct. “How long have you and Torch been together?”

I’d been dreading this type of question, but at least it was coming from Fitz first—and not Colt. “About eight months,” I began, picking at the label of my beer bottle. “We got together when dad first got sick.” I paused, remembering that excruciating time. The cancer had hit hard and brutally fast. “Mom, James, and Phoebe had their own grief to deal with, and Torch was there for me when I needed someone.”

That was all true, but Torch used my darkest time to get close to me, and it wasn’t out of the kindness of his heart. It had soon become clear he had an ulterior motive and I knew it was to have more influence over James.

“Isn’t he still married?”

I felt myself deflate from his question. It wasn’t asked out of malice, and I didn’t detect any judgment in his tone, but I was still ashamed of being seen as a home-wrecker by anyone when that wasn’t the case at all.

As far as I could tell, most of the Vegas chapter didn’t have much awareness of my connection to Torch other than the officers. But Colt had said enough on that topic, and if he felt that way, they all probably did, even Viking. He’d said nothing, but if Fitz was asking, I wouldn’t be surprised if Viking asked the same thing at some point. I had this paranoid feeling they all knew and it was why I’d only received polite but indifferent interactions with most of the old ladies. They weren’t sure if I’d try to steal their men because it appeared to be my thing.

“He is,” I finally said. I could have left it at that, but I felt a need to try to defend myself a bit. “Torch and his wife got married because her father threatened him with jail time for statutory rape when he got her pregnant. She was seventeen at the time, and he was twenty. She got involved with Torch to piss off her parents, but her dad’s a really important lawyer in Reno and had the power and money to back up their threats. At this point, it’s just easier for them to stay together. They have an understanding.”

The reason they got married was true, but his wife didn’t look the other way when it came to me or other women. Our numerous confrontations were evidence of that. However, since she looked down on the club and never participated in club functions in any way, she hadn’t earned any friends amongst members and their old ladies, so a lot of them felt like Torch had a right to have someone on the side that was part of our world.

The real truth was that Torch liked having access to his wife’s family’s money and he’d managed to use her dad’s position and influence to get members out of tough situations. So James and the others had a reason to look the other way when it came to me being in a relationship with Torch—his connections were a huge benefit to the club—and ultimately, that’s all that mattered to them.

I also knew his wife loved being able to tell her friends her husband was a badass biker and annoy her parents, and therefore, wanted to project she had this happy life and marriage. Whether they actually loved each other seemed irrelevant, something I didn’t understand at all.

But I didn’t tell Fitz any of that because I didn’t want him to see the logic of that part of the situation, and suddenly be accepting of it. I liked knowing someone cared about me and my well being that had nothing to do with the club, and Fitz did. He was a great friend, maybe my best friend here.

When I looked up at him, I didn’t know if my simplified explanation sounded believable, but Fitz seemed to accept it.

He reached over and rubbed my knee. It was a sweet and unexpected gesture from the guy who usually joked around with me. “You deserve so much more than that.”

He didn’t elaborate further on that, and the two of us fell into easy conversation about less heavy topics. It felt natural, and I enjoyed spending time with him and talking. After a while, I decided to broach the subject that was bothering me since we got home.

“So, Jenna? Is that Colt’s girlfriend?” The minute the words left my mouth, I felt like an idiot. It was so obvious, and even Fitz chuckled at my question.

“Huh, why are you so curious about the bastard?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

I shrugged. “Um… I’m not, not really. He got out of here in a hurry. Just wondering is all.”

“Okay, we’ll play it your way. Jenna is no one you need to concern yourself with. They’re not together. However, due to circumstances I’ll let him explain, when she calls, he answers.”

That seemed odd to me. I didn’t know very many men who would drop everything to be at some woman’s beck and call if he wasn’t sleeping with her. Unless, of course, it was a family member. But if that were the case, Fitz would have come out and said that instead of giving me a cryptic answer. Then again, one cryptic answer for another.

I didn’t even know why I cared. Colt made it clear how he felt about me. I had to stop comparing the Colt I knew as a teen to the man he was now. Obviously, I had unresolved feelings for him and it bugged me that I couldn’t get past it since he’d clearly moved on. I knew so little about him but I craved to know more, whatever tidbits I could glean, I found myself seeking them out. I was just torturing myself by fantasizing about the man I could never have.

Deciding to turn the conversation away from Colt, I stood up and began pulling food out of the refrigerator.

“You don’t happen to be a fan of breakfast for dinner, do you?”

“Babe, if you make it, I’ll eat it.”

He was such a nice guy, and I loved having my friend back in my life.

“Thanks for staying tonight. It gets a little lonely sometimes living by myself.”

I’d never lived on my own before, and it was taking a little while to adjust to the quiet.

“Anytime, Red. In case I haven’t mentioned it, I’m happy to have you back. You can always call me when you need company,” he said as he gave me a side hug.

I hugged him back, missing something as basic as a hug. Even though I was glad to have Fitz and to be away from Torch, there was nothing really filling the hole inside me because just when things seemed calm, I knew it was only a matter of time before it all went to hell. But for now, right this moment, today—I could pretend that everything would be okay.