Page 4 of Mac

Kate

It had been a week since I moved in with Jonathan and Louise, and I was feeling more unsettled than ever. I rolled over in bed and saw the big red numbers on the alarm clock letting me know I’d slept half of the morning away. The suitcase and boxes in the corner of the room were still waiting to be unpacked, but I didn’t see the point since this living situation was only temporary. The purple box I’d grabbed from my grandmother’s closet was sitting on top of the other boxes as I hadn’t gathered the courage to open it yet, either.

I’d been working extra shifts at the restaurant, trying to make up for the hours I’d missed during the prior months. I would come back here every night, barely able to keep my eyes open and too drained to deal with whatever emotions might come from seeing what Grandma had put aside for me.

“Hey, Katie.” I looked up and saw Jonathan standing in the doorway of the guestroom. He was always so chipper in the morning, and it drove me crazy. I’d never been a morning person.

“Hey.” The brightness in his eyes dimmed just a bit at my lackluster response to his greeting.

“Do you have any plans today? I have the day off and thought we could finally hang out.” He walked over and sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"I don’t know, Jonathan. I’ve been exhausted." I’d been blowing him off, and I felt terrible, but I didn’t have it in me to be sociable right now.

“We haven’t hung out in weeks,” he complained, his expression downcast and his shoulders slumping a little. “I miss my best friend.”

And just like that, I felt guilty for ignoring him. He’d been nothing but kind while I wallowed in self-pity.

I could admit that our friendship became a bit one-sided when Grandma had gotten sick. I put all my time and effort into taking care of her. Any extra time was spent working so I could continue to pay my bills. Seeing the disappointment on Jonathan’s face now made me realize things needed to change. I couldn’t take for granted the one remaining relationship I had left.

“You’re right. I’m sorry I’ve disappeared on you. How about we go out tonight around six for pizza? My treat,” I offered with a big smile.

“Sounds like a plan.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “What are you going to do until then?”

“I have a couple of errands to run, and I should probably unpack my clothes at least.”

“Okay,” he said, clearly elated at my offer to hang out tonight. “If you need anything, you know where to find me. I promised my mom I would take care of the yard work today.”

Ever since Jonathan’s father left, he’d done whatever he could to help his mom out. It was why he continued to live at home with her, and I admired his dedication and loyalty. But sometimes, it was hard being around them. I longed for that type of family connection, a parent who gave a damn about me and loved me unconditionally.

I took my time getting ready and went about running the few errands I had. After a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up a few personal items, and a stop at the cell phone store so I could pay my bill, I found myself back at Jonathan’s house.

“Hello?” Louise called out when I opened the front door.

“Hi, it’s just me,” I returned and made a detour into the kitchen where she was busy washing dishes.

I put my bags down on the dining table and walked over to her. I picked up a towel and started drying the plates in the rack.

“Jonathan told me you guys had plans tonight, so I’m guessing you won’t be here for dinner?” she asked excitedly, reading far too much into the situation.

Louise had probably been the most upset when Jonathan and I decided only to be friends. I hated disappointing her, but I couldn’t be with someone just because those around us thought we were meant to be together.

“Yeah, we’re going to go out and grab some pizza tonight. I’ve been a bad friend lately. Figured pizza might get me back in his good graces.” I emphasized the friend part, in an effort not to get her hopes up. I didn’t want her to think anything else was going on.

“It usually does the trick.” We both laughed at the fact that Jonathan was so easygoing that almost anything could be forgiven just by feeding him.

I put away the last dish and grabbed my bags so I could head up to my room.

“Thanks for the help, sweetie.”

“Any time,” I responded as I walked out of the kitchen.

I put away the toiletries I’d bought and then sat on my bed, staring at the boxes I’d stacked in the corner. I had another hour before Jonathan and I were leaving, so I figured now was as good a time as any to go through the box Grandma had left for me.

I walked over to the stack of boxes and grabbed the one on top. It wasn’t very heavy, but I could hear a few items rattling around inside. I sat back down on my bed and stared at it for a few minutes. Suddenly, my palms felt sweaty, and I could feel my heart nearly beating out of my chest. I wasn’t ready for this. I felt like as soon as I opened the box, it would be the final thing letting me know Grandma really was gone.

That sounded stupid because I’d been in bed with her when she took her final breath. I knew she wasn’t coming back, but it hadn’t hit me yet. I’d kept myself busy with funeral arrangements, and now work, so I wouldn’t sit around and think about never seeing her again.

I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was really alone now. It was a depressing thought, and I didn’t want to get caught in that downward spiral.