Page 81 of Everything We Found

She edged closer, reaching out to touch his shoulder. He flinched, leaning away from her. She knew he was deeply troubled, but it was hard not to take the rejection personally, given her conversation with Aimee was probably what set him off.

But this time, unlike what she’d do in the past, she didn’t back off. He wasn’t going to shut her out.

She rested her hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t,” he said.

“Don’t what?”

“I’m not something you need to fix.”

“Don’t insult me. That’s not what I’m doing.”

He met her eyes and what she saw unmoored her. Gone was his cold control and calculated distance. Before her was a man who stood in the wreckage of everything he’d built. She’d seen him angry. She’d witnessed his ruthlessness more times than she cared. But she’d never seen him look like he didn’t know who he was.

His shoulders dropped. “You shouldn’t have been dragged into this.”

“I wasn’t dragged anywhere. I stayed with you?—”

He lifted a single finger, a warning for her to stop. “You stayed because I manipulated you into staying. I didn’t give you a choice. Don’t dress this up.”

“Don’t put words into my mouth,” Nadia fumed. “Do you want me to say you ruined my life… Again? All right!” She tossed up her arms. “You ruined my life. One more thing to punish yourself over. Feel better?”

His jaw tightened.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing out here?” she asked, with sudden realization. “You aren’t ‘fixing a gate.’ You’re beating yourself up because you can’t fix what really matters.”

“Careful,” he warned in a low voice.

“Fuck off.” She stepped closer, close enough to see his pulse hammering in his neck. “I’ve been careful for a decade and look where it got me. I lost Aimee. Now I’m going to lose my name, my career, my livelihood. Everything! And you—” She poked his chest. “You can’t even let me stand next to you without pulling away. Is that how this works? I lose you next?”

His expression fractured. “You think I pull away because I don’t want you? Christ, Nadia, you’re the only reason I haven’t—” He stopped, his throat working.

The barn fell silent. Outside, a crow cawed.

“We’re about to become different people. New names, new histories, new… everything.”

“I know what witness protection means.” As much as she hated it.

“Then you know we carry all of this with us. Phil, James, Aimee. My mother. We don’t get to leave them behind just because we get new paperwork. They will haunt us, wherever the government sends us. Whatever we end up doing. They will be with us for the rest of our lives.”

Nadia swallowed roughly, doing her best to keep a grip on her sanity, on what would become her new reality. “I know that too.”

“It’ll just be us. You understand that, right? No Aimee to call when you can’t sleep. No mother to talk to when you need to be consoled. No Kristen to gossip with. Just you and me and every terrible thing we’ve done to the people we love. And we will never—never—be able to make any of it right.”

“Maybe that’s what we deserve.” Nadia was certainly feeling so.

“Maybe.” Thomas nodded slowly, staring at the ground. Then he lifted his head and rolled back his shoulders. “Was there something you wanted?” he asked, rough and dismissive.

You, she almost said. But he was obviously done venting, or whatever this was, and his mask had settled back into place.

“I came out here to check on you,” she said defensively. “And to let you know breakfast is ready.”

He nodded slowly, mouth in a hard, flat line.

“You go,” he said after a few beats. “I’ll be in later. I want to finish this.” He gestured at the gate.

Nadia hesitated. She didn’t want to leave him while he was like this. But what could she do other than let him work out his demons? He’d only pull further away from her if she pushed, and she’d already lost one friend today.