Page 25 of Everything We Found

“No, I’m not. I’m miserable, Tom. I’m physically ill from all the pretending and lying I’ve done today. It’s ripping me apart. Here I am acting like everyone expects, saying what everyone wants to hear, but underneath it all, I’m bleeding out. My best friend lost the love of her life and I’m hating on myself because I can end her suffering like that.” She snapped her fingers in his face and he opened his mouth to interrupt. “I know. I promised I wouldn’t say anything. But you need to know that I’m gutted, just gutted. And I can’t tell a soul why I feel like this.”

“You can tell me.”

“You did this to me.” She jabbed his chest.

“Welcome to my nightmare.”

“Fuck you. I’m so angry with you right now I can’t speak. I can barely stand the sight of you.”

There was an infinitesimal drop to his shoulders. “You know I’d trade places with him in a heartbeat if I could.”

Her breath left her.

Therein lay the crux of her dilemma. Thomas would. He’d sacrifice himself if it meant bringing James home. He’d do it if it meant they’d all be safe. It was the primary reason why, as much as being deceitful pained her—as torturous as withholding vital information from Aimee was—she wouldn’t tell a soul that James was still alive.

Because she couldn’t contemplate a world without Thomas in it.

Either way, she accepted that she was destined to be lonely. For the rest of her life, for as long as she held on to this knowledge, she’d always be forced to choose between Aimee and Thomas. She’d always keep herself removed from Aimee.

Sunday brunches, girls’ nights out, playing auntie to Aimee’s children. Growing old alongside each other. The future she’d imagined with her friend… It dissolved like smoke.

She turned to meet up with Nick and her friends.

“What are you going to do?”

She didn’t miss the subtle threat in his tone. Really, she’d love to see what exactly he’d do to her to ensure her silence. But not today.

She turned back to him and threw out her arms. “Drink, Thomas. I’m going to get fucking wasted.”

And she did. Until she crashed on Aimee’s couch that night, she blended batch after batch of margaritas. Aimee and Kristen drank to drown their sorrows, to reminisce and remember James.

Nadia drank to forget.

10

NADIA

PRESENT DAY

The urgent call Thomas had been waiting for came at 1:58 a.m. Nadia had been lying awake when she heard Thomas’s muffled tone through the closed door of the bedroom where she’d been trying to sleep. The double bed was uncomfortable and her mind hadn’t stopped spinning with worst-case scenarios since her head hit the pillow hours ago. There were too many alternate outcomes to consider from yesterday’s attack on his house. Now that she’d had time to process their escape, she realized how lucky they were to be alive. So, she’d been descending into her disturbing thoughts, wondering not when, but if she could come out of hiding.

Because what if Fernando Ruiz evaded capture?

The Hidalgos knew she’d been there. They might just assume she was someone important to Thomas. They’d been in his bedroom! What if they killed her to make Thomas suffer? What if they captured her like they had James and used her to lure Thomas out in the open?

The more she thought about her options for the immediate future, the further down the pit of despair she sank.Stupid,stupid, stupid.Flat on her back, she groaned into her hands for the umpteenth time that night. Why had she answered his text? Why had she agreed to meet with him at his house?

Through the thin walls, Nadia heard Thomas bark James’s name. Thomas had been frantic earlier when he couldn’t reach his brother, and she was relieved James finally returned his call. That meant James was still alive.

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, giving up on any sleep tonight. She slid her arms into the sleeves of the black fitted hoodie she’d picked up at Walmart and zipped it over the white ribbed tank top and gray yoga pants she’d worn to bed. Then she left the dark room, following Thomas’s voice to the living room that was just as dark.

“The family is under attack, James. Ruiz is out there?—”

Thomas stood before the window, staring through the partially opened curtains to the quiet street. The nearest streetlight cast his profile in a gilded glow. The hard lines of his jaw and the frustrated impatience in his tone were all the indication Nadia needed. This call wasn’t going well.

“I’m trying to protect you… It ends when he’s behind bars. Until then, you have to take precautions.”

Thomas dragged a hand over his mussed hair and noticed her leaning against the wall, watching him, as she waited for an update. Her teeth tore a cuticle from her thumb and she rubbed the tender edge of her fingernail. She was restless and worried. James might have made a reckless decision years ago going after Phil on his own, and while that cost his relationship with Aimee, she’d always cared for James. They’d grown up together. He had two sons and nobody wanted to see any harm come to them.