Page 75 of Tangled Control

Because there’s still this one thing thatisset in stone.

Alexandra.

I never promised Catriona anything, and she has always known about Alexandra and our history. Yet the thought of ending it hurts so badly I find it hard to breathe.

A sneaky voice chirps up, quiet but tempting…

What if I misunderstood the whole thing? Maybe Alexandra has a different agenda for wanting to go on a date with me? What if she isn’treallyready?

I tug harder at the strands of my hair, but the sneaky whisper grows louder and louder. I swallow down the bile in my throat and make a decision. I know it isn’t right, I know it’sfucking wrong. Still, I make the decision. I won’t call it off with Catriona.

Just yet.

After all, what if it’s a coincidence and Alexandra isn’t ready to commit? If that’s the case, I would have broken Catriona’s heart for no reason.

No, it’s best to keep things quiet until I know for sure.

I’m relieved that Catriona asked for the morning off. She said she had some bank issues she had to take care of. I call Orla intomy office and give her a few instructions. She can’t hold back the smile when she realises my plans involve Alexandra.

“Orla, can I ask you to be discreet?”

“My lips are sealed, Rian.” She beams. “But can I just say I wish you a wonderful, wonderful night together.”

The knife in my stomach turns. Fuck this guilt.

Fuck this aching heart.

Forty One

Catriona

“Oh come’ere, do I have gossip for you!”

I can’t help but snicker at Trevor’s eager face as he rushes over to join us for our coffee break at Mona’s desk – he can be such a girl sometimes. I’ve started relishing these breaks with my colleagues – it’s refreshing and energising.

Something else I’m relishing is secret moments with Rian. I’ve hardly seen him the last couple of days, though. I took yesterday morning off to go to the bank, and he’s been busy with meetings. Add that he was out with his friends last nightandleft after lunch today to stay the night at his parents for some family gathering, and I’m havingseriouswithdrawal symptoms.

My trip to the bank was necessary. Spending time with Rian has made me accept that I have to change my mortgage conditions. I’ll now pay less every month but over a longer period. It will give me some badly needed spending money. I can’t sit in my apartment with only coins in my pocket. As Rian said, I need to live a little.

Shockingly, I’ve also decided to go to the spring barbeque. I feel so alive and unafraid these days. I’m actually looking forward to it, despite knowing it will be torturous seeing Rian without touching him. Hopefully, I can at least get one dance with him, maybe even sneak a kiss behind some bushes.

“Go on, tell us then.” Mona looks expectantly up at Trevor for his gossip.

“I know why Rian’s been in such a good mood lately!” Trevor whispers.

Panic jolts me awake, and Trevor suddenly has my full attention. Does he know about us? Is our secret out? Oh God, what will happen now? Wait, he wouldn’t tellmethe gossip if it was aboutme.

“Alexandra has finally caved!”

What?

“What do you mean?” I croak.

“Rian and Alexandra are going on a date tonight! He’s taking her to the reopening of Exubier. You know, the two-star Michelin restaurant on Merrion square!”

I blink. He…he what? No, Rian is going to some family thing. Maybe Trevor’s misunderstood and Rian went to this restaurant yesterday. Withallhis friends?

“About time! That’s fantastic!” Mona tries to muffle her squeal. “AndExubier! I can only dream about one day going there – and on the opening night!”