Page 61 of Tangled Control

It’s the truth, yet it makes me worry – will our relationship lose its excitement if we’re open about it? And even more worrying, will he ever want it to be out in the open with Alexandra lurking as a dark shadow in the background?

Only one way to find out, and that is to give our relationship a try.

Thirty Six

Rian

Ithrow my cards on the table. “I’m out.”

“Where’s your mind tonight, Ri? You’re normally not this shite,” Knox comments.

“My mind is right here, you just keep dealingshitecards,” I lie. Well, my cards have been mostly shitty, but I can usually bluff my way through a couple of wins. But my brother is right, my mind isn’t in the game at all.

Our monthly poker night takes place in Leo’s apartment – it has since he bought the apartment at only eighteen. The green felt on the gaming table is worn and stained from drinks spilled on messy nights.

These gatherings are one of the few things I really missed when I worked abroad, so even though I would have loved to spend more time with Catriona, I refuse to miss out on the night with the fellas. It’s four of us tonight – Leo, Dylan, Knox and me.

“Maybe you’re planning a visit to The Bureau later, and that’s where your mind is?” Leo says with a smirk.

Just the name of the place makes warmth spread through my abs, and images of last night’s adventure flood my mind. I shift in my chair and grab the whiskey tumbler in front of me to stop fidgeting.

“I might join you tonight,” Dylan chimes in and throws his cards on the table with a huff. “I’m sure I’ll have more luck there than with these cards.”

All of us have frequented The Bureau or other similar clubs at some point or another, curiosity drawing us in as we grew out of our teens. For some, the scene didn’t hold its appeal, whereas a few of us continued to go on a regular basis. Although right now, I have no interest going without a certain blonde woman on my arm.

“Sorry, I was there last night so I’ve reached my quota for the week.”

My brother lifts one eyebrow. “Have you lost your stamina or did some dominatrix spank you so hard you have problems sitting on your big fat arse?”

“Feck off, dickhead,” I reply with a scoff.

“I’ll go with you tonight, Dylan, if you don’t mind. I haven’t been there in a while,” Knox continues, while tugging at the collar on his t-shirt. I sense my brother’s excitement. I’ve always suspected that Knox is more into the scene than he lets on.

“Sure, Knox. What about you, Leo?”

“Nah, think I’ll save myself for Anika.” Leo’s smile is pure indulgence, which is rewarded with verbal abuse from the rest of us. Not that his rejection is surprising – Leo never took to the clubs. He prefers old-fashioned flirting and sex.

“Anydonnecatching your eye these days, Knox?” Leo inquires, adding his usual sprinkle of Italian words.

“Ladies? Fuck’n hell, no. You know me, I’m a lone wolf.” Leaning back in his chair, he runs a hand over his beard before sipping his whiskey. Knox makes a point out of never gettingdrunk, but he’ll always have some of the brown stuff at poker nights. “I’ll probably end up like one of those detectives in the crime novels, lonely and bitter in my late-forties, having to help a nineteen-year-old girl with a murderer on her heels. She instantly falls in love with me despite my age, alcoholism, receding hairline and expanding waistline, and we live happily ever after until my liver packs in.”

“That’s gross, Knox!” I manage to yell through gulps of laughter. “That poor little girl, ending up with a Scottish detective!”

“Fuck off!” Knox pretends to scowl – as he always does when I tease him about his name. Our parents have never fully explained why they gave my brother a Scottish name when my sister and I have such traditional Irish ones.

“What about you, Dylan?” Leo asks when the laughter dies down.

“I can assure you, a lady, or let’s say ‘ladies’, have caught my eye – all the time, everywhere.” We all grin at his predictable answer. Leaning over the table, he says conspiratorially, “Earlier this week, I shagged this waitress from the coffee shop in the employees’ bathroom.”

“Ach, shut up.”

“I did!” Dylan insists. “I’m not messing! Afterwards, I signed her tits and even got a free coffee!”

Again, the room erupts in laughter.

“That’s class. The joys of being a rugby star.” Leo wipes tears from the corners of his eyes. “There’s no point asking you about your love life, Ri. Nothing’s new with you, you’re just serial dating random women and getting your release at The Bureau by tying up a few leather-clad girls – or is it boys? – while waiting for your Alexandra.”

If you only knew.I shrug my shoulders instead of answering and hide behind another gulp of my drink.