Page 54 of Tangled Control

My heart rips open. Rian rests his chin on my head. Maybe he wants to avoid eye contact. His hand makes soothing tracks up and down my back.

After an eternity, he asks, “Do you want to come to the club with me?”

“W-what?”

“You can experience for yourself what it’s like. How about this Friday?”

“Rian, are you saying that our first date will be at a bondage club?”

He laughs and kisses me deeply, and the awkwardness from only minutes ago all but vanishes.

Thirty Two

Rian

Despite reading the same paragraph three times, I still don’t know what it says. My thoughts are as focused as a stag party in Temple Bar. I left Catriona’s bed sometime after one this morning. We made love again. The sight of her moving on top of me, her breasts bouncing up and down in time with her movements. A blush of red covered her chest and up her throat, her messy blonde hair cascading around her. And the sounds she made… My hands gripped her hips so hard I’m sure I left bruises. Lifting her up and down the way she liked when her legs started tiring.

I’ve always made sure that the women I’m with walk away happy, but I’ve never been so turned on by a woman’s pleasure before. It wasn’t about what my cock felt like inside of her, but rather what it did to Catriona. The way she opened her mouth and moaned while tilting her head back, the way her body tensed from her neck down when she came. Fuck, I’m getting hard just thinking of it.

The office chair creaks as I shift in my seat.

“Fuck,” I mumble into the empty room and sigh a guilty sigh. A double-edged guilty sigh. I correct myself – atriple-edged. Firstly, I feel guilty for going against my father’s direct order. Secondly, guilt towards Alexandra for getting emotionally involved with someone else. And lastly, bone-crunching guilt because I know I’ll eventually break Catriona’s heart.

I’m meant to be with Alexandra, and whenever the time is right between us, I’ll end it with Catriona. But yesterday, I cancelled my plans with Alexandra to be with Catriona.

I rub my hands over my face. Alexandra and I are more thanus; our mothers move in the same circles, and our fathers’ longstanding friendship has made our families close. The proximity between our family properties means that Alexandra has been running in and out of the Kearney doors throughout her upbringing. Mum loves chatting with her in the kitchen over a cup of tea. My sister adores her and she’s also one of my brother’s best friends. Knox claims that it’s easy to open up to Alexandra since she unofficially belongs to me. Even if there was no bro-code involved, there would still never be any attraction between them. Knox likes his women wild and voluptuous, not graceful and size zero like Alexandra.

Yes, I repeat to myself, the Kearney and Harrington families are supposed to be joined. I’m meant to be with Alexandra. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will happen. And then I will break Catriona’s heart.

A knock on the door wakes me from my dark thoughts, and the sight of Catriona walking into my office makes them evaporate as if they never existed.

She is dressed in her usual plain work clothes, but all I see is her utter beauty. I am beyond delighted that the other men in the office haven’t noticed, although Catriona’s standoffishness and rejection of anyone coming her way may have something to do with it. I remember Leo’s comment about her being a lesbian.Perhaps more people think that, too? No matter the reason, I have her all to myself, now that I’ve scared off Trevor.

The door behind my ice queen is open, so we both pretend nothing has changed between us. While she hands me a folder, I give her some crass comment, which she responds to in equal measure. But her eyes shine with a newfound glow that heats my body and calms my mind.

Oh, yeah, I am going to break her heart.

And my own.

Thirty Three

Catriona

“Afriend came over to visit me when I lived in Kuala Lumpur, and he stayed in this fancy hotel. On his last day, he decided to avail of the spa on the top floor of the hotel and booked himself a massage. He was a little surprised when he was asked if he wanted a” – Rian clears his throat for effect – “prettymasseuse.”

“What?” Gemma’s finely plucked eyebrows furrow while she scoffs out a little laugh. I haven’t seen much of her contagious smile lately. Eric left a few days ago, causing serious heartache for my colleague, despite the short time they’ve shared. There were no promises made between them, but still, I could sympathise with the other woman’s sense of loss. We went for coffee yesterday. I let her talk freely about Eric and supplemented her with stories about us growing up together. I hope that talking helps Gemma and doesn’t add to the void caused by him leaving.

What I had realised, though, as we sipped our hot drinks, was that it was the first time I’d ever gone for coffee with a colleague. It made me sad at the same time as I was happy to be there.

“Yes, like I said, my friend was a little surprised by that question as well, but not wanting to offend anyone, he said it didn’t matter if the masseuse was pretty or not. Sure enough, as you might have guessed, what he had booked wasn’t a massage but a massagewith benefits.”

Rian glances meaningfully at each one of us around the conference table in his office. A flippant comment from Trevor started this story – a comment about what spa services a new hotel in KSS’s portfolio would deliver. The hotel is situated in not necessarily the best part of this dirty old town - actually, it’s close to where I grew up. I used to think it was a waste of time to talk about non-work-related issues, that it was unprofessional. But maybe I’ve been too stuck up? Maybe having social interactions at work is good for a happy work balance? And besides, I now secretly like listening to Rian’s voice, so I didn’t object when he started telling this story.

“Since my friend hadn’t specified a preference for looks, the masseuse he got was anything but stunning and at least in her sixties.” He pauses at the gasps around the table. “My friend’s dilemma was that, if he declined the ‘benefit’ part of the massage from this lady, would it be considered sexist and ageist?”

“Well, what did he do?” Gemma’s eyes are huge with disbelief and curiosity.

“He’s a nice guy and didn’t want to insult her, so he went through with it.” Loud groans and laughter fill the room. “I don’t know what the moral of that story is,” Rian adds with a lopsided grin.