Page 49 of Tangled Control

What I had with Rian was sex. An office fling – a dirty secret. I’ve never fooled myself into believing it was more. I’ll never be good enough. Rich, beautiful, perfect Alexandra – with a nasalA– she’s the one. Still, it hurt to be dismissed in front of Arthur Kearney, and Rian’s coldness afterwards was hard to take. I knew then that what we had was over. Rian got where he wanted – into my pants. I’ve been his only challenge in the office, and for him the chase is officially over. It made me so angry, yet I kept telling myself that he’s done me a favour by ending it quickly.

It wasn’t until I stood in front of him in his office, waiting for his comments on my work, that the truth came to me. The truth that I’ve refused to see.

I wanted him to look at me with warmth in his eyes, wanted his smile, his cheek, his mischief – anything but the coldness and rejection.

I’ve fallen for him.

My whole life I’ve worked so hard not to make the same mistake as my mother, and yet there I was, standing in front of my boss, wanting his love.

Loving him.

Stupid, stupid!

The glass pane cools my forehead. I don’t know what hurts more, my disappointment in myself or my broken heart. I’m such a fecking eejit! Stupidly telling myself I’m not emotionally involved. Too eager to justify sleeping with my boss to notice how my heart beats faster with him around.

Rian will never feel the same for me. He’s never kissed me – another piece of the puzzle that I’ve ignored. He wanted to keep his distance. Kissing is too emotional.

Where will I go from here? Can I continue working for Rian? Talk to him every day? See him flirt with my colleagues? Watch him with Alexandra?

I startle at a knock on the door.

Company is the last thing on my mind. I’m not expecting anyone either, so whichever neighbour is in need of sugar will have to go elsewhere. I lift my hand up to the window and press it flat against the pane next to my face, willing the coldness to seep into my skin and chill my aching heart.

There is another hard knock and still I ignore it. At the third knock, I sigh and slowly walk into the hallway. I make sure the security chain is on and crack the door open.

I freeze.

Rian!

His brows are drawn together above eyes that scan my face through the narrow gap of the door. What the hell is he doing on this side of town, outside my door? And in a tuxedo? Is this some kind of prank?

“What are you doing here?”

He motions to the security chain. “Can I come in?”

I swallow. I don’t want to see him right now. The last thing I want is to let him into my apartment, my sanctuary, my piece of heaven. Still, I nod and close the door. Leaning my head against it, I take a deep breath.What is he doing here?

I momentarily panic as I glance down my body – I changed into a big, worn t-shirt and pyjama bottoms after I peeled myself off the floor earlier. What does it matter what I look like? I scold myself as I fumble with the security chain and open the door.

“What are you doing here?” I repeat as he steps into my tiny apartment hallway. I back into the living room, not wanting to be too close to him. He follows me, and even the living room seems claustrophobic with him in it. I wrap my arms around my middle.

“Gemma told me you went home sick. I came to check you’re okay.”

“Do you always make home visits to your employees?”

“No.” There’s a pause. “Are you okay?”

“I’m grand,” I snap and gesture to his tuxedo. “Now, you obviously have somewhere to be. I’ll be back in the office tomorrow, my usual grumpy, hardworking self, you don’t have to worry.”

“Catriona. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” I bark and turn away from him. I sense his heat at my back. Too close.

“Catriona, please! Talk to me,” he begs. “I hate seeing you like this. I want you fighting and sassy and…and not like this.”

“Please, Rian, just leave,” I whisper and bite down on my trembling lips.

“I won’t,” he says as warm fingers wrap around my shoulders. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”