Page 75 of A Quiet Affection

She rubbed her face against his light coat. “I am happy that it was a son for the first.”

“I rather hope for a daughter this time,” Fitzwilliam said. “One with your smile.”

“She was awful to me. I hardly remember the exact details, but it was a terrible time when I was dependent upon them both.”

“I remember. You spent half the time on the carriage ride up to Pemberley ranting about your aunt, and how she wished that you had died.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I must have been most tiresome.”

“Never. You were always charming.”

“No, be serious, what did you think of me? I do clearly remember that my appearance shocked you. The first words from your mouth were, ‘Jove, how did you live?’”

He kissed her forehead. “I am sure I said nothing of the sort.”

“And I am sure you did.” She grinned up at his face in a way that invited her husband to kiss her, which he did.

“Well, your appearancenowcertainly lacks nothing. And I find it easiest to remember that which I love.”

“I remember that I had a terrible tantrum when we first left the carriage. I think I was upset that you did not wish to let me take a walk.”

“You fell and scraped your hands. But I never thought ill of you on that account. You were chiefly unhappy, I think, that you had little say in how your time would be used or in what you would be permitted to do when in your aunt’s house.”

“No wonder I was so unhappy to return to this house.”

“She was unkind to you.”

“Whileyouwere always exceedingly kind to me. You always talked to me as a fellow human, not as a blind, pitiable creature—I sobbed for half an hour when you left for your university.”

“I had no notion,” Darcy replied. “I recall thinking that you had borne up under the parting very well.”

“Of course I did. Yourfatherwas watching. I seldom dared to cry in front of him.”

“I never did,” Darcy replied. “I hope Bennet will always…it is not that I wish him to cry easily. But I wish him to know that there is nothing unmanly in doing so. And to always know that I am proud of him. I have told you how Papa told me that he was proud of me, when he was dying. But he only said that afterI convinced him that I did not depend upon his approval. Jove, what a mess he made of rearing us. George most of all, for he really was a second father to Wickham.”

“Your father had a great mix of good and bad features,” Elizabeth replied. “But the good features predominated.”

“I am not so certain—I hope to never be too satisfied with myself, to be more confident than I ought thatmyfeatures are chiefly good. One must always be aware that it is possible to be wrong, and to make mistakes in matters of importance. Perhaps—I will face a test someday, when I may fall into an error like my father did with promoting your sister’s marriage to Wickham. I hope to pass that test, but I cannot expect to do so.”

“You will,” Elizabeth said confidently. “Even though it will be in a case where all courses seem bad or perhaps they all seem good—what matters most is that you seek to accept others as they in fact are, rather than wishing them to be something different.”

“I shall at least depend upon you to love me, even when I am in error. And to tell me.”

“Oh, you maycertainlydepend upon me telling you when you are in error—do you mind if we simply walk the whole way to Netherfield? I feel the need to stretch my legs.”

“Two miles, Mrs. Darcy? While in the family way?” Darcy said in mock shock.

His wife laughed, and they walked the whole way back, talking and laughing. And when they returned, Bennet had just woken from a nap and ran to embrace first his mother and then his father.

Chapter Twenty-Three

The following summer Bingley and his sisters returned the visit, staying at Pemberley fora planned stay of more than a month [GB4]in the summer. To Elizabeth’s delight, he arrived with his sisters at the same time that Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner came to enjoy an equally long visit—a stay that as it happened would be required to be shortened due to Mr. Gardiner’s business requiring him in London for longer than he had expected.

Two weeks after he arrived at Pemberley, the whole party attended a public assembly at which Mr. Bingley danced with Mrs. Wickham twice. Afterwards he talked with her for some time, chiefly listening to Mrs. Wickham’s joy at seeing Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, and her delight in hearing from Elizabeth how well the new girl, who’d been named Jane after her, was growing.

Wickham tended to drink a great deal when the alcohol was purchased by other persons, and he was deep in his cups when a friend came close and with a laugh pointed at the pair. “Do you mean to sell her to Bingley?”

“What do you mean?”