Page 31 of A Quiet Affection

What Elizabeth wondered was ifshewould be good enough to keep the scars and the blindness if she could give them to Jane instead. Maybe she would have. It was for the best that she was the one who had become blind, since Elizabeth knew her mind better equipped to deal with such difficulties than Jane’s—Jane would be too serene. Jane would have accepted whatever treatment she was given as natural and just.

“But why must this make a difference forme,” Elizabeth said. “Why shouldIleave Pemberley just because you will marry George—you will be very happy and fruitful and blessed, I have no doubt.”

“I have no doubt either.” Jane frowned. She was filled with anxiety.

Again.

Jane asked herself, again, whywasn’tshe happy? She would be happy and fruitful and blessed with George. “But Lizzy, surelyyou see how you must come to live with us, and that it will be better. And you could not stay at Pemberley.”

“Why not, the master of the house is my guardian, and—”

“But Mr. Darcy will be dead. Lizzy, he is dying. He is dying.” Jane now sobbed. Mr. Darcy was not present to be made uncomfortable by her cries of grief, so she gave them free vent.

Elizabeth embraced her sister, and she felt the grief in her chest. She had little love for Mr. Darcy, but that did not matter. To be told that a man who you had lived with for three years was on the verge of death felt as though she’d fallen into a frozen well in winter.

He was dying.

However, when Jane slowly ceased to cry, and thanked Elizabeth for her comfort, Elizabeth returned to the part of the subject that concerned her personally.

“But, Georgiana will still be here. And Fitzwilliam…” Elizabeth said slowly. “No, he would not think it proper. And Georgiana is still too young. I will have to leave. I see that.” Elizabeth pressed her hand against her mouth.

“Lizzy, you love Pemberley. I love the house just as dearly. But we shall only be across the way. The dower house is not a five minutes’ walk. We will see Mr. Darcy and Georgiana every day.”

Elizabeth didn’t want to live with Jane.

No.

She did not mind Jane. She did not want to live with George. And shedidwant to live with Georgiana and Fitzwilliam.

But if the dower house was the closest she could remain to those whom she loved, she would remain there.

“We shall set up everything so that it will be very convenient for you,” Jane offered. “The servants shall be from the main house, so they will all know to be careful about leaving things out that you might trip on, and they will send Sarah over, so she can continue to care for you. You have nothing to worry about, Lizzy.”

“Will I be a burden?”

“Of course I won’t mind having you with me,” Jane said.

Elizabeth stood and walked back and forth in an area that she knew was clear.

“It is hard to see one’s life changed. And it must be more difficult for you.”

“Yes.” Elizabeth was sure it simply was that. She did not wish to leave the happiness that she had in her current situation.

That evening Georgiana crawled into Elizabeth’s bed to embrace her when they went to sleep. “I don’t want you to leave, I don’t want it. I don’t want it.”

“I will only be across the way. We shall meet every day. It will barely be different. I already am of an age where I ought to leave the nursery to have my own room, in any case.”

“It will not be the same!”

“No, it won’t,” Elizabeth agreed. But now it was her turn to be strong for her dear, younger friend.

“And why is Papa dying? Why! It isn’t fair. He shouldn’t die. He shouldn’t.”

“No, Papas should never die. It is not fair.”

Georgiana squeezed Elizabeth. “What was it like—when your Papa died?”

“Losing my sisters and my parents in one night?” Elizabeth whispered. She kissed her younger friend on the forehead. “It hurt. I do not remember so much anymore. But it hurt very much. And then I was exceedingly sick for weeks. But you will have Fitzwilliam.”