Page 10 of A Quiet Affection

“Mr. and Mrs. Phillips wish that I’d died.”

“That cannot be true.”

Lizzy adopted a tone that perfectly mimicked the tones of a lady sententiously saying, “It would have been better for the poor thing if she had died! And think of all the money her surviving sister could have inherited! I cannot imagine what she must have done to have the Good Lord punish her so.”

At this reply Darcy felt tolerably convinced that whatever Mr. and Mrs. Phillip’s true sentiments were, which he hoped rather than believed to be kinder than that, it was certainly the case that this was the notion that Elizabeth hadheardspoken by them.

“Then in that case,” Darcy replied as he wrapped up the first hand with a clean roll of the bandage that the inn keeper handed to him as soon as he was done wiping Lizzy’s hand, “it is a good thing that you shall not remain with them.”

Lizzy giggled. “I hate being locked up. Always, always locked up!”

“As soon as your hand is properly bandaged, we shall take however long a walk as you wish,” Darcy replied. “There is no hurry.”

“I just want a walk.” Lizzy repeated, apparently not mollified by his reply. “Oh, will this never end?” There was a pause, quite long enough for everyone to think the same reply to Lizzy’s query. She then said with a sigh, “It shall not, I know that.”

“You must make the best shift you can,” Darcy replied as he stared at the bandage, trying to figure out what knot would be best to tie it with. “No matter how bad your situation. You know the story of the talents. We are judged upon what we do with what we are given. That much has been taken away is no excuse to squander what remains. The Lord certainly had a reason for sparing you, and I for one am glad that he did so.”

The girl did not reply to that, but she smiled as Darcy wrapped her other hand and tied it off.

“Now that your scrape is all wrapped, let us begin our walk.” He held his arm out to Lizzy for half a moment, before recalling that she could not see it. He then said, “Do lift your arm so I can take it.”

Lizzy laughed, “You are so tall. Always so tall. Your voice and breathing come from so high above me. It is more intimidating than when I could see you.”

Elizabeth found that the deep gaps between the cobblestones made for uncomfortable walking, despite Fitzwilliam’s best efforts. Also, she had shamed herself by how she had acted as a child. No bouncing active girl of nearly twelve years of age is likely to be pleased with themselves when they have brought upon their own heads an honest accusation of childlike behavior.

With this consideration, she apologized again to Fitzwilliam. He quietly disclaimed any sense that it was required, saying, “You are the one who has principally suffered.”

A sort of resentment at every time she’d been forced to remain in the bed for her own good by Mrs. Phillips and her housekeeper rose in Elizabeth again.

But she was unusually fair minded for a person of her age, and after some contemplation she decided not to spite Fitzwilliam because of her dislike of a wholly different person. Besides, thefeel of the wind on her face, the clopping of the horses in her ears, and the smell of decaying animal and human waste in her nostrils was a delightful change after the endless sameness of the previous month.

“I am glad to see you...hear you,” Elizabeth said feeling rather amused with herself. “I can’t say ‘see’ anymore, can I? Not around you, in any case.”

“Why would it make any difference around me?”

Elizabeth laughed. “You forget, I always sat with Papa. He read the letters you kept sending from your university aloud to me. Or at least most of them. There were a few bits he refrained from reading aloud. I know that you’ve determined, as a solemn matter, that if a person waving a bloody axe inquires whether a friend of yours is staying in your house, that you will tell him, because one must avoid deception in all cases, no matter how severe the consequences—if you think one ought to let one’s dearest friend be murdered rather than tell a lie, you must look severely upon me claiming tosee.”

That his interlocutor recalled what he had written to Mr. Bennet about Kant’s argument struck Darcy with force. After consideration he replied, “If you use ‘see’ as a metaphor, there is no dishonesty.”

That made the girl laugh.

“I was filled with grief for Mr. Bennet when I heard of what happened to him. To you all. I admired him greatly for his learning and capabilities.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together. That wracking emotion came to her again, and she was quite on the verge of crying, which she did not wish to do. Shewouldenjoy this first walk. Elizabeth did not manage any reply for a while.

Darcy said to her, “I am surprised that you can speak of the loss of your sight so lightly.”

“Don’t! Don’t make me try to be sad. I won’t have it. I won’t. I—Lord, what else can I do? Scream, rave, and find a cliff to hurl myself from like Ophelia?”

“You certainly would not be permitted to do that,” Darcy replied. Then after a pause for thought he added, “Ophelia drowned herself after walking into the river, or something of that sort. She certainly did not hurl herself from a cliff…perhaps you are thinking of how Horatio feared that his father’s ghost would lead Hamlet off a cliff.”

“I hate this whole notion! Permitted. Permitted! At least as a child I knew that I would grow to an adult, and eventually I would have the right to do many things. If I am to be controlled and cossetted because I am blind, there will be no end of it.”

“Then what do you wish? Surely you would not wish to be permitted to walk into a ditch, so that you would fall and break your neck.”

“I’d go about with a cane, tapping the ground. It would be perfectly safe.”

“It would not.”