Page 102 of Through the Storm

I almost sayI’m scared you’ll resent me. I’m scared the baby won’t be yours and you’ll stay anyway out of stubbornness and one day you’ll look at me the way my parents look at me, like I’m a problem they regret. I’m scared I’m already too in love with you to survive that.

“You’re making a decision for both of us. Why can’t you trust me to decide for myself?”

“I’m sorry.”

He goes quiet.

When he speaks again, his voice is softer. “Is this about the baby?”

“Yes. And no.” I take a breath. “It’s about you. About what you deserve.”

He shakes his head slowly. “You don’t get to decide what I deserve.”

“I do if it protects you.”

His voice tightens. “You’re not protecting me. You’re hurting me.”

He drags a hand through his hair, looking more exhausted than angry.

“I can’t keep proving myself if you’ve already decided I’m going to fail.”

I close my eyes.

Another pause.

“So, what,” he asks, “you’re just… breaking up with me?”

“Yes.”

The word hurts coming out of my mouth.

He looks at me for a long moment like he’s waiting for me to flinch, to take it back, to give him something to work with. I don’t.

“Katy.” His voice drops, quieter now, and somehow that’s worse than when he was pushing back. “Look at me.”

I do. I wish I hadn’t.

Because he doesn’t look angry. He looks like someone who already knows how this ends and is asking me, one last time, to choosedifferently.

“I love you. I love the kitten. And I want to be here.” He pauses. “Does that sound like someone who feels trapped?”

My chin trembles. “No.”

“Then why?—”

“Because you’regood,” I say, and my voice breaks on it. “You’re so good, Ben, and you’ll stay no matter what, and I can’t watch you give everything up and then spend the rest of your life pretending you don’t regret it.”

Silence.

He stares at me.

“So,” he says finally, “you’re ending this because I’m too good to you. It sounds like an excuse to me, Katy Cat.”

When he says it like that it sounds insane. Itisinsane. I know it’s insane.

“I’m ending this,” I manage, “because I love you too much to be selfish.”

Something crosses his face that I can’t name. It’s there and then it’s gone.