Page 99 of Through the Storm

A thought creeps in, unwelcome and sharp.

Did I say something wrong? Does she not want me to be involved in the baby’s life?

Another follows, colder.

Did she finally realize I’m not good enough for them?

By the time I pull into my cousins’ driveway, my stomach is in knots. I tell myself it’s nothing. That she’s just tired. Overstimulated. Pregnant. But deep down, I know better.

Something shifted today.

And no matter how hard I try, I don’t know how to fix it.

KATY

My brain does not let me have a moment of peace. And my phone doesn’t either.

Geeta

Hey Katy, I hope you’re doing great. I just wanted to say sorry that the girls told the guys about your baby. It wasn’t me. I just wanted you to know that.

Katy

That’s okay, Geeta, I know who it was.

Geeta

Well, I hope you’re not too mad at her. The guys are her friends too, and she felt like they had a right to know. The dates are kinda all tangled up, so…

Katy

Whatever you need to tell yourselves.

Every conversation lately feels like another reminder that my life stopped being mine the second people found out I was pregnant.

Now everyone looks at me weird no matter where I go.

And they also have opinions. So many opinions. About me and Ben especially.

The worst part is that nobody even says it like I ruined my life.

They say it like I ruinedhis. Like he’s noble for staying. Like he’s sacrificing so much by choosing me.

Maybe they don’t mean it that way, and it’s just me projecting, but I still hear it every single time someone looks at him with pity instead of excitement. And all I can think is, what if one day he starts looking at me that way too? What if he resents me? The thought makes my stomach twist.

I want to keep him. I want him here every morning, drinking coffee and making me laugh. I want him to say ridiculous things, and I want him showing up with bags of things nobody asked him to buy. Iwant him beside me when the baby comes. I want him beside me after. I want him forever.

But the more I let myself imagine it, the easier it becomes to forget that he has a big, beautiful future waiting for him. A real one. When he’s not with me, he’s training, getting ready for his final year before the draft. He’s the biggest college football star in the country. He has a real shot at making the NFL.

That shouldn’t have to change because of me. All I’d do is slow him down and jeopardize that.

The idea of not being the one standing beside him when all of that happens makes me feel physically sick—but not as sick as the thought of being the reason he never gets it.

BEN

I’ve been trying to see Katy for days now. She claims she’s busy because she has a deadline. Which feels like complete bullshit.

Because even when she’s taking a break from writing, she’s still being weird, so I decide to take matters into my own hands. The solution is simple. If Katy feels weird, I’ll just… be better. I’ll try harder.