Page 27 of Phoenix

“I know you do.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Jule’s. “And you are helping. Keeping this distance, staying quiet, staying safe. That’s helping me.” He deepened the kiss. “I need you to believe that I know what I’m doing.”

“I wish I knew,” Jule responded in a whisper.

Tor rested his forehead against Jule’s and dug his fingers into his hair. “I know.”

Chapter 8– Age 23

Jule lay on his back gazing up at the night sky. Tor was perpendicular to him, his head on Jule’s stomach. December was always beautiful in Phoenix, and as much as he enjoyed the green California landscape, he missed the dryness and peace of the desert. “I love this time of year,” he said, brushing his fingers through Tor’s soft hair.

“Sure beats July.”

He was home from law school for winter break. Tor was actually around. And the whole family was celebrating New Year’s Eve by enjoying the fresh air, full moon, and sparkling stars. They’d loaded everyone into their cars, filled the trunks with cases of Milwaukee’s Best and blankets, and made the short drive to Dreamy Draw Park. After a meandering hike off trail, they were isolated enough to be surrounded by nothing but agaves, ocotillos, and saguaros. Now everyone was drinking and dancing along to the music blasting from Tyson’s portable speaker.

“You guys ready for another beer?” Titan called over to them.

“I’ll get them,” Tor said, crunching up.

He tugged on Tor’s hoodie, and when Tor looked down at him, he flicked his gaze to Tor’s mouth.

His expression softened and he lowered and pressed his lips to Jule’s.

“Thanks.” He closed his eyes, letting the rare moment wash over him. He was home with his family, with Tor. He missed these nights so much that sometimes he couldn’t breathe through the pain of it.

“Here you go.” Tor stood above him, a beer in each hand.

Jule sat up and reached for a can when a new song started. “I love this one.”

“Me too.” Tor looked over his shoulder. “Yo, Ty, turn that shit up.” He set the beers on the ground and reached his hand to Jule. “Let’s dance, baby.”

Grinning, he took Tor’s hand and let him haul him up.

When the lyrics started, they belted them out together along with all four of Tor’s brothers. He and Tor wove their arms around each other’s waists and slotted their legs, so they were pressed together from chest to feet. He continued singing as he caressed Tor’s back, lowered himself a couple of inches, and then rolled up, dragging himself against Tor’s groin and belly. Tor sang along while gazing at him, his smile soft and his hands on Jule’s ass.

Trey came over and wrapped his elbows around Tor’s neck from behind. He looked happy and healthy. Sobriety was finally sticking and it showed. He wove his body from side to side, dancing to the music.

Eight-year-old Maggie was bouncing and bopping with her father along with their cousins and their kids. Travis swung Maggie into his arms and beamed at her as he made his way to them.

Titan sidled up beside them, hips swinging. He had a baby on the way with a woman he barely knew and none of them had met. Everyone was a little nervous to see how it would play out.

Tyson stood on their other side, filling out the group. He snaked one arm around Tor and the other around Jule and swayed with them. He kissed his youngest brother’s cheek and ruffled Jule’s hair.

When the song ended, Tor kissed him, deep and long, and then he sat and tugged Jule down beside him. He dug into his pocket, pulled out his knife, and stabbed it into the side of one can before pressing it to his lips. He snapped open the tab on top, gulped some beer, and then held it against Jule’s mouth for him to finish the rest. When both cans were empty, their faceswet, and their bodies buzzing, Tor kissed him again, rough and messy and real. He wanted to roll onto his stomach and pull Tor on top of him.

“Later,” Tor said, voice full of gravel. “When there aren’t a bunch of kids around.”

Of course Tor knew exactly what he was thinking. “I remember fucking out in the desert more than once with kids around,” Jule teased.

“That’s whenwewere kids.” Tor bumped his shoulder against Jule’s. “And most of them were hooking up too. Remember when Ricky Flores got his ass covered in jumping cholla?”

They had been fourteen, partying in the desert with their friends on a hot summer night. “That was fucking hilarious,” Jule cackled.

“It was an end to fucking is what it was. He was balls deep in Jenny Tang at the time. Never seen anyone pull out that fast.”

“Wonder how long it took him to get all those needles out.”

Shrugging, Tor said, “Could have been worse. At least they didn’t land on his nuts.”

Jule flinched. “Ouch.” He leaned his head against Tor’s shoulder and stretched his legs in front of him. “Not sure you were ever a kid.” They were the same age, but Tor had always had a preternatural maturity to him, an intense stillness, an uncanny ability to understand every situation, identify all the layers beneath it, and determine the perfect way to handle it.