Page 6 of Dollhouse

My parents, Eric. The strangers who surely watched them and saw me as an object. Everyone who saw that video now thinks of me as dirt. And itshouldn't matter. My parents never even declared memissing,and Eric is playing god knows what part in a trafficking ring. On top of that, the situation with Jesse’s sister, Lily. Those people are the worst of the worst, so it shouldn’t matter to me what they think.

The truth sort of smacks me in the face right then. No, it’s notthemwhose opinion I care about. It’s us. Noah. Bo. Jesse. Seeing the emails made me feel dirty, and now all I can imagine is them feeling that way about me.

I can’t turn it off.

I look at Bo, and the things we’ve done with each other. Things I let Noah direct us to do. Even though I know it’s not true, It’s hard to turn off the thought that I’ve done something wrong, and this is my punishment.

My mother’s voice reverberates in my head, reminding me that men don’t actually want what comes easy to them. Especially when it comes to women.

“Bo?” I say, voice raspy.

His arm curls around my thigh, pulling it up over his to bring me as close as possible. “I’m right here.”

“You’re still my best friend, right?” I ask, unable to keep the tremble from my voice. A wave of self-revulsion threatens to drag me under. Weak, useless Emma. Everything’s changed, everything is wrong. I have nothing to fall back on and it feels so damn lonely.

“Why would you ask me that?” His strong hand slides to the back of my head, cradling me to him. “I know this hurts, but fuck every single person who saw us. Fuck Eric, fuck your parents. You shouldn't worry what they think of you.”

“It’s not them. It’s me–I’m thinking badly of myself. I barely recognizeme. I’m not the same person I was two months ago, and it’s a little terrifying.” I peek up at him. “I don’t want you to think differently of me.”

His grip tightens on my thigh, holding me in the present with him. “I don’t. What’s happening here, with the four of us, it’s the realest fucking thing I’ve felt. Think about it, Em. All your life was built up to be a trinket on the shelf of a shitty man, in a pretty house. No family, no anything. You’re meeting yourself for the very first time. Without your mom, without her moral bullshit rules.”

My heavy eyes watch him, hanging on each word. Lulled by the steady rhythm of his thumb on my cheek.

“All I see when I see you with us is someone testing themselves, trying new things. Seeing what fits and what doesn’t. I think you just need to decide if what you're trying feels good.”

His steady thumb travels down until his grip is under my chin, forcing me to keep my gaze on his “Does it feel good, Em?”

I shiver and the truth is a whisper on my tongue. “I don’t feel anything right now.”

His hand flexes. That fierce look on his face hardens, and his thumb pushes up on the soft skin under my chin, forcing my face to tilt upward.

I’m met with a kiss, slow and hungry. It’s unlike Bo, who's always been so gentle with me. But this is different, it’s desperate. An attempt to pull me free of the depression sinking its claws into me.

“Come back to me, honey. Come back to us,” he mumbles against my lip, sending a shiver down my spine. He drags his tongue lightly along my bottom lip, reveling in the way I shake at the sensation. “You are stronger than this.”

His hand trails my thigh, and my body clenches at the touch, a tiny gasp swallowed whole by his mouth as his fingers melt the cold from me. “I said, does this feel good, Em? I want an answer.”

This is Bo.MyBo. Who would never hurt me, even when my presence in his life has shaken his own to pieces. I clutch his side at the thought. “I’m sorry,” I apologize, and he nips a punishment at my bottom lip. “It’s good. I can feel this.”

“Good,” he whispers, hands tightening in my hair. His mouth lightens, becoming gentle. Dragging along the seam of my lips to the corner, where he places a feather of a kiss. “As long as this feels good to you, then you are where you're meant to be, Em. Safe. At home with us.”

I let his words sink in, where they warm the edges of the numbness that’s settled inside me.

Home. With him, and Jesse. With Noah.

“Jesse said in a year we won’t need to hide. That things will go back to normal someday. I’m putting my trust in him for now.”

“I’m finding it hard to trust right now, Bo.”

He pauses, hand gliding down my leg. “What do I always tell you, Em?”

My lip quivers. I don’t deserve this friendship. “That you’ll always protect me, no matter what.”

“Right, and it’s true still. There is nobody here you need protecting from, okay?”

I sigh, my eyes closing. “I’ll talk to him. I will. Thank you.”

We lie like that, curled up with each other as the hour slips to the side. His heartbeat in my ear. Steady, warm and strong.