Page 42 of Dollhouse

If Landon had purposefully waited until Bo and I were undressed to start the attack, it would add a whole new layer of betrayal and humiliation. Being bound like this, stripped of our dignity, it’s got me ready to vomit at the way it makes me feel. Maybe that’s the point.

Rusty screws litter the bottom of the van, digging into my side, and the only light that makes its way in is from the small crack between the double doors we’d been thrown through.

Total darkness. It’s so disorienting that I just want to squeeze my eyes shut and try to shut down. Escape into my head, because what’srealis too horrific. But I can’t. Noah and Jesse aren’t here. There’s nobody else to protect Bo except for me.

Emma, get it together.

“Bo, can you hear me?” My voice is weak, and I try to scoot closer. “Bo.”

The van shakes as we hit a hole in the road but I manage to roll to my elbows and knees and scoot closer to the place I saw his body tossed. The ties cut into my wrists as I move but whenI find his warm chest I almost cry in relief. Curling myself into him, I feel his slow, even breath against my face.

He’s alive. We’re both alive.

Okay, think. What did Noah teach you?

Trying to wrangle my thoughts into a neat line is almost impossible, because my blood is pumping so loudly in my ears it could drown out the steady thump of the tires on the road.

Noah has hammered so much information into my head on how to protect myself, about what to do if I found myself in a situation like this. Still, somehow I hadn't truly believed they would ever manage to separate us. Noah is many things, a lot of them dangerous, but most importantly he is insanelycompetent. With his computers, his ridiculous intelligence, and that calculating head of his, I just believed he was always a step ahead.

I hadn’t taken his words seriously enough because I’d felt safe with him. He really had known better, known the dangers of this world, and tried to get me to see them, but now it’s too late.

My eyes burn, but there’s no time for regret right now. Bo’s unconscious, maybe dealing with a concussion or some kind of fracture from the blow at best. The beating he took back at the cabin though…there definitely could be injuries internally. That crack of the gun against his head, the crunch that followed, replays in my head like a sick splinter digging further into my head.

You have thirty seconds to break down, and that’s it. He needs you.

I feel so useless. I knownothing. I don’t even have the most basic knowledge about how to help Bo recover from this. Thanks to Noah’s incessant training I’m somewhat decent with a knife, but I don’t even have one. I’m a lousy shot at best, and after seeing the men that came for us, my hopes of grappling against one of them is laughable.

I’ve lived such a sheltered life that all I really know how to do is take care of people. How to please my parents. How to appease my husband. How to make my own pain so quiet that nobody around me is ever inconvenienced by it.

I almost hear Noah’s stern voice cut through my self-bashing session, cutting it short.

Above all, you need to stay calm. You’re good at that, Em. You just need to keep a handle on yourself so you can think. So you can plan.

Exhaling shakily, I press my forehead to Bo’s arm, letting myself sink into his closeness. He’s here for now. We could be separated as soon as this van finally stops, and god knows what will happen to us then.

My best friend. My…something more than that, but I don’t know what. After everything he’s been through, I can’t let him get taken advantage of again. Ican’t.

“I’m going to keep us safe, Bo,” I whisper. “I promise. You’ve been looking out for me for so long. It’s my turn now.”

I repeat it in my head over and over andoveruntil I feel the van stop. It’s time.

I’m going to keep us safe.

I brace myself as I hear the motor cut, a door open and steps along with muffled voices. The back doors open again and the inky blackness of midnight is visible behind the few masked men standing there.

Stay calm. Keep a handle on yourself.

I stare back at them like I’m not intimidated and it makes one of them laugh.

“Not so scared now, is she?” he teases, stepping one foot up on the back of the van to climb inside.

I bristle, the thought of them separating us, of hurting Bo, pissing me off.

“Come here. It’s better for both of you if you listen and do what we say.”

Going quietly? I can’t, because the thought of us being separated has my entire body screaming in terror.

“You aren’t going to take him from me,” I say, doing my best to hide the fear in my voice.