Page 15 of Dollhouse

His eyes flash at me, but I’m not trying to be difficult; I’m trying to be realistic. It’s silly to pretend I’ll ever be on the same level as him, or as Jesse, who fights like ananimal.

“I don’t want to hear that shit from you, you hear me? Now get up and try again,” he says, forcing the knife back into my hand.

My ankle throbs, forearms burning from exertion. I don’t want to look useless, but my brain is already exhausted froma week of trying to pull myself from the dark mental space I’d found myself in.

Noah’s taken a step back, watching me try to wrangle my head on my own.

Instead I groan, my frustration always on the edge of spilling over these days. “I’m not Jesse. I’m not one of these people you work with, Noah. I’m just not,” I argue, voice rising. Sitting up, I turn so that our faces are only inches apart. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you think this is worth the time you’re wasting, which could be spent on something much more important. I’ll be able to tell if you believe it.”

He does, our angry gazes clashing as his hand catches my jaw, forcing me to sit in his displeasure. My throat works beneath his palm as he looks down at me.

“Listen to me, because this is very important. I’m not going to let anybody get to you, okay? But in the event that somethinghappens to me—” I flinch at his words and he shakes his head. “I mean it, listen to me Emma. We aren’t doing this because I want you to join the missions. It’s because if something happens to me, you need to be able to get yourself out. Do you understand? You can’t just accept defeat. I need you to promise me that.”

I bite my lip to hide the quiver that’s set in. It’s the closest Noah’s come to telling me the truth. Not just about Mercy and the enemies we’ve made, but to admitting his fear of what they mean for us.

It’s harrowing to imagine an outcome where he doesn't survive. Now that the curtain has been pulled back on the world, the thought of living in it without him is devastating. Everything I knew was a lie. Everyone was in on the trick. Monsters exist in every corner and the people who fight them are few and far between.

Noah is formidable in every sense of the word. Behind that calculating exterior is a man that isn’t afraid to go up againstthose monsters, and apparently that’s a lot rarer than I could ever have guessed.

The dull sound of a thump against wood makes me jump, both of our heads snapping to the side to see Jesse breathing heavily as he shoves Bo’s back against a tree trunk and pins him there with his hips, dipping his head to take Bo’s mouth in a searing kiss. He moans, winding his hands in Jesse’s freshly vibrant green hair, tugging at the roots. He gets lost so easily in Jesse’s teasing, another shaky moan pulled from his mouth when Jesse grins and sucks on the spot below Bo’s ear.

Their lessons always end like this. It’s more foreplay than anything, and with the house empty for the night, Jesse’s going right for the kill.

Bo bites his bottom lip, eyes growing heavy with need, and Jesse groans at the heady look on his face, devouring his mouth again.

A warm breath curls around my ear, and I shiver as I feel Noah lean closer to me. “I can’t tell you how much I miss you looking at me like that..”

“I–I still do.”

“No, not like you did before.” His hand molds to the back of my neck, gliding up until he’s tangling his fingers in my hair. Tugging on it, he leans in to match Jesse’s teasing. The fabric of his hood drags along my jaw as his mouth teases that spot below my ear. He knows it’s a sensitive place for me, and he’s not against weaponizing my body against me. “But we can try to change that right now. Watch, Em.”

The command echoes in my head as my brain turns to mush under his touch. When Noah’s near me, teasing me, I justmelt, totally willing to let him shape me however he sees fit.

So I do what he says and watch. I watch as Jesse’s mouth finds Bo’s, an aggressive kiss on the outside, but because I know them better I see how Jesse’s hands go to Bo’s face, thumbstracing his cheekbones as he walks him backward to the patio. I see the way Bo grips Jesse’s shirt in one hand, the other falling to brush his fingertips along his hip.

When Noah unzips my jacket, I turn back to him, but his hand stops me, forcing my attention back to Jesse and Bo. “I said watch.”

Goosebumps break out on my skin when my jacket is tugged gently down my shoulders, but we’re close enough to the patio that the heaters keep the cold at bay. A table and chairs sit on the pavers in front of me, and I hungrily watch as Jesse grips a chair and drags it to the edge of the rough stone, spins it and sits. He splays his legs wide, leaning back in the seat and Bo’s heavy eyes match mine as he reaches up to hook his thumb inside Bo’s mouth, locking it behind his lower teeth to pull his head down to Jesse’s.

Bo curls over him, his hands gripping the arms of the chair as their kiss becomes more hungry, Jesse’s hands sliding up the back of his shirt.

Noah’s teeth sink playfully into the skin along my neck and shoulder, my breath catching as he teases. “I miss how easy it was for us before, Em. Don’t you?”

I nod lazily, my body betraying me into a blissfully pliable state as he presses my back to the grass and rolls over top of me, his strong frame grounding me as his mouth slowly drives me crazy. One large hand on my jaw keeps my gaze locked on Jesse and Bo.

“Say it then,” he whispers in my ear.

TEN

Say it,then.

The command makes my stomach flip. As easy as flipping a switch, I let myself fall into the familiar game—one where I hand over my mind, and Noah rewards me for letting him have it.

“I want you, Noah. Please.”

There’s an almost imperceptible tightening of his hands on me, like he wasn’t sure I’d say yes. If he’d asked me ten minutes ago, I’m not sure I would have. My brain is stuck somewhere between spiraling and total apathy and honestly, I’m ready to abandon it for something that Iknowwill make me feel good.

Because despite my struggles, I know Noah and he’ll always take care of me.