Page 127 of With the Assist

“I’ve already told you that next week, after her party, it’s over.” I force the words out as much for myself as for him.

“Why does it have to be?” He asks, turning his body to cut anyone else out of the conversation. “You both agreed to that almost two months ago. You can change your mind.”

“I have changed my mind,” I admit, running my hand through my hair. “That doesn’t mean she has.”

“How do you know?”

“Dude, you don’t know her like I do.” I pause, forcing my voice lower. “She doesn’t do relationships for a reason. Her family counts on her success. She has so much pressure on her to stay focused. Even if I don’t agree with it, I won’t be the one to distract her from her goals. I would never ask her to do that.”

“Being with someone you care about doesn’t have to be a distraction.”

“Says the guy who fucks around with any girl that asks,” I snap, instantly regretting it.

To his credit, Liam masks the hurt only seconds later. “Yeah, I do, but you don’t. You’ve never taken that shit lightly.”

I pick up my beer, draining its contents. “I still don’t.”

“You’re playing better than ever. You’ve got the girl. There’s no reason to call it.”

“That’s the thing. Even if I’ve changed my mind, our sports are too tangled up in this.”

He scrunches his eyebrows.

“I want her. Okay. You’re right.” I lay my head back onto the back of the couch. “And I am playing the best hockey of my life. Is that because of me or because of her?”

“Does it matter?” Liam leans forward, his arm draped across his knee.

“I need to be good enough on my own. She can’t be the only reason I’m better now. Every time I decide I want to be with her, there’s this nagging part of me wondering if it’s because I’m afraid I’ll lose my contract without her.”

He watches me, waiting for me to continue.

“It’s so fucked up. She doesn’t deserve someone who only wants her out of selfishness and fear. Even if she wanted me, which she doesn’t, I can’t live with myself not knowing if I can do this on my own.”

I’m a coward. At least, that’s the conclusion I come to after saying it all out loud. I want her. But I’m too afraid that my success is tied to her to even try to make it happen. I’m too scared to ask if she wants me for real. I’m worried that everyone else won’t think I’m enough on my own. Bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit.

Liam’s eyes dart behind me. He shakes his head slightly as Wesley comes up behind me, sliding back into my space. She’s flushed from dancing, and her eyes are bright. Her fingers hook casually into my belt loop. My brain short-circuits for half a second at how easily she claims the spot.

“Miss me?” she asks.

“Constantly,” I say, not entirely pretending.

That earns me a softer look than I deserve.

Eventually, Liam gets pulled away into a loud debate about power play structure. It leaves me, Wesley, and Avery on the couch that the staff roped off for us.

Avery watches us with her usual skepticism. She’s annoyingly perceptive. I don’t miss the way Grayson keeps glancing her way. He can’t seem to take a hint, even when the hint is Avery quite literally telling him he has no chance.

“You two look really comfortable,” she finally says.

“Avery,” Wesley warns.

“For people who are fake dating,” she adds, sticking her tongue out at Wesley.

There is a half beat where the air shifts.

Wesley lifts one shoulder. “Repetition builds skill.”

“We’re elite performers,” I add, shifting Wesley closer on my lap. “Very committed to the craft.”