Page 97 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

I turned, searching for him. I think he felt it because the moment I looked back, he started walking towards me. The sun was almost up now, washing the last traces of pink from the sky until only a pale blue stayed.

He sat beside me, pulling his legs up and resting his arms across his knees. His fingers twisted together, fidgeting restlessly in front of him.

I leaned my head against his shoulder, and he rested on top of mine.

“I hate you,” I whispered.

“No, you don’t,” he replied.

“But I want to.”

“I know.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

His restless fingers rose to my cheek, gently cupping it as he turned towards me until we were face to face. His lips found mine for a brief kiss, gone before I could sink into it, leaving me in need for the slow kisses we shared just moments before. Then he brushed his lips against the tip of my nose before pressing another soft kiss to my forehead.

“I thought about what you said,” he said softly. “I know I’m an asshole, and nothing can excuse what I did. I’m not trying to justify it, but I want to change.” He rested his forehead against mine. “You make me a better person, and I want to be better foryou.”

A tear slipped down my cheek.

“For a moment, I wanted to ask you to go back to her.”

“What stopped you?” he asked, his hand settling on my jaw while his thumb slowly brushed across my cheek.

“The thought of losing you.” My eyes searched his.

“I wouldn’t go back to her,” he said with a faint smile. “But I do want to meet my son.”

“You said your assistant asked about names,” I said. “What did you choose for him?”

His eyes lit up.

“Blue.” He swallowed. “His name is Elliot Blue.”

I bit my lower lip, warmth raising in my chest.

“You named him after me?”

“Technically, no.” He laughed. “After your nickname.”

“You’re such a smart ass.” I shoved his shoulder. “Does she know?”

“She knows.” He nodded. “I think, out of everything, she regrets hurting you the most. She once told me you were the only friend she ever had, and she lost you.”

A lump rose in my throat and refused to go down.

I’d never thought about her that way. I’d never stopped to wonder how she felt because I’d spent all this time thinking about how she made me feel. Maybe that’s what we all do. We see our own wounds first, before we notice someone else’s.

“Olly.”

“Yes, Blue?”

“If we survive this, promise me you’ll hate me again.”

I looked at him before turning towards the horizon that had terrified me for so long. Somehow, it didn’t seem as frightening anymore, even though fear still stayed quietly inside me.

“Because this is unbearable.”