Page 78 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

A small smile found her lips as she closed her eyes.

“Good night, Olly.”

“Good night,” I whispered.

Some people would say we were lucky. After the shipwreck, we still had a roof over our heads, somewhere to survive.

But the truth was, this was a battle too.

And while we fought to stay alive, she was drowning somewhere no ocean could reach.

Still, she smiled.

Even if it was only for me.

19

BLUE

The morning sun slowly crept into the lighthouse, spilling across the floor. My eyes opened, and for a moment I didn’t search for him. I simply let myself be alone. My hand brushed over the cotton sheet we’d slept on, searching for any trace that this had been real.

I sat up and leaned against the wall, drawing my knees to my chest. Resting my face against them, I wrapped my arms tightly around myself.

For a long time, I’d refused to be swept away by fantasies that Oliver and I could ever talk about us, that maybe we’d find a way to be close again despite my brother. I never expected anything, or believed we could be what we once were. There was nothing to hope for. Yet somewhere deep inside, I still longed for the boy he had been before he lost his mother.

I’d heard all the gossip about how he treated women, fucking them before tossing them aside, never finding satisfaction in anything he did. But after seeing this side of him, the one I’d never known before, I found myself questioning everything people had said about him, including my brother.

My cheeks burned at the thought that he remembered the parts of me I had ignored, noticing every little detail and burying it in his mind for years. It made me wonder if he’d noticed my flaws too. Did he see the way I was with him? The mistakes I’d made? And if he had, would he ever forgive me for them?

He said he would leave the past behind, but we were still living in it. We were both part of it. The thought scared me. One day he might realize that and decide he didn’t want to stay here any longer, even if he had nowhere else to go.

I stood and began pacing through the lighthouse, walking back and forth until my steps slowed in front of the wardrobe. I opened the door. The clothes inside were still clean, and the scent of aged wood carried what was left of my father and my childhood.

It hurt knowing that all those years I’d been searching for him while he had been so close, wasting his life chasing something someone else had lost. But what hurt most was remembering all those evenings I waited at the dock with a lantern in my hands, trying to be his lighthouse, while he had been living inside one all along. He knew the way home. He had simply chosen not to come back.

The clothes I wore still carried the stale smell of the sea, and I wanted to change into anything that didn’t remind me of that night. I reached for an oversized white button-up shirt and slipped it from the hanger. I peeled off my navy shorts and tossed them aside, then pulled my shirt over my head and let it fall beside them until I stood barefoot and naked before the wardrobe.

I reached behind my back and unhooked my bra. A slow breath escaped me as the straps slipped from my shoulders and the fabric slid down my skin.

The door suddenly burst open, and in an instant, my hands flew to my bare breasts as I spun to the side, keeping my back to the doorway.

I heard him curse behind me.

“Fuck.” His breathing quickened. “I’m sorry. I should’ve knocked.”

He stumbled back and pulled the door shut.

My whole body trembled, my heart refusing to slow even after he was gone. Then came the dull thud against the wood. The door shifted by the slightest fraction. He was leaning against it.

No man had ever touched me, let alone seen me naked. The thought alone terrified me. What if he’d seen my scars? What if he’d noticed all the things I tried so hard to hide? He’d dated so many beautiful women with perfect bodies. This version of me, stripped bare, couldn’t possibly compare. I was certain of it.

I bent to pick up the shirt from the floor and slipped it over my shoulders, fastening the two middle buttons. Then I ran my fingers through my hair, smoothing the loose curls as best I could.

I stepped towards the door, my fingers curling around the handle. Through the wood, I could still hear him breathing.

“Olly?” My voice came out softer than I’d intended.

“Yes, Blue,” he answered, his voice rough from the other side.