Page 53 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

He handed me a piece of paper and a pen without a word. Then he sat down on the pebbles and started writing his wishes. Greedy as always, he wrote ten numbers first before trying to fit in the wishes. I sat beside him and looked toward Gabriella. She wasn’t writing hers.

Is she skipping it this year?

I could barely hold the pen and paper. Everything blurred together. I was too drunk to write anything.

So I wrote only a few words.

I wish I could be happy.

I rolled the paper, slipped it into the bottle, then stood beside Gianni and tossed it into the sea.

“You’re supposed to close it!” he shouted after me. “1Testa di cazzo!“

The girls laughed, and I lay back on the pebbles, staring up at the stars.

I wish I could be happy.

Because only a happy man doesn’t carry a heart full of hate and regret. Only a happy man can forgive. And I was still a sad man who couldn’t forgive. I couldn’t forget. I just took whatever stood in my path.

1. Dickhead

13

BLUE

There was the dream again. Falling into the sea with my eyes wide open, my hands reaching for the surface, yet all they did was drift beside me while I sank deeper and deeper. This time, there was a shadow moving around me, circling me like prey. Panic clawed at my chest. I screamed, but my lungs filled with salty water instead of air. Bubbles spilled from my mouth, clouding everything around me, making it impossible to see what lurked beneath. Then the monster attacked. It sank its teeth into my skin and dragged me further down until I was no longer me, just another thing that belonged to the sea.

A scream tore from my throat as my eyes flew open.

My sheets were damp with sweat, and my hair clung to my forehead. I looked around, disoriented. Everything was dark. There were no windows, so I couldn’t tell if it was day or still in the middle of the night. Only a faint light spilled from the bunk above me. Isabella shifted and turned in her sleep.

I sat up, glancing at the bunk across from ours, but it was empty. No one had slept there all night.

“Isa,” I whispered, checking if she was awake.

She didn’t answer.

I lay back down, crossing my fingers over my chest as if I could hold myself together.

I was scared.

A tear slipped down my temple. I was terrified there was no way out of this, that no one could hold me and tell me everything would be okay. Tell meIwould be okay.

Because I couldn’t.

I couldn’t tell myself something I didn’t believe.

I wiped the tear away and turned onto my side.

This yacht was a maze built from my worst fears. Every corner held another one waiting for me, appearing without warning, feeding on me while it slowly drained the life out of me. And the only reason we came here had been pointless. Dante’s brother wasn’t here, and now the map was gone too. I wouldn’t earn anything because my mother had already taken the advance. The only things I’d get out of this were anxiety and maybe a little more experience dealing with assholes, as if I didn’t already have enough.

There was a loud knock at the door before it swung open.

I sat up, wiping my eyes as I looked to see who it was.

Of course, it was George.

“Get ready, ladies. Your shift starts in thirty minutes,” he said.