Page 22 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

“I’m sorry,1sorella. I never wanted you to see me like this.”

“It’s okay,” I whispered as I led him into the bathroom. “Just stay with me. Don’t leave me.”

I helped him into the bathtub, lifting his legs over the edge before climbing in beside him and crouching at his side. I turned on the cold shower, holding his hand while the other gripped the shower head. Tears slipped down my face as I looked at him. Dark circles shadowed his eyes. He wasn’t himself.

Cold water poured over both of us, soaking our clothes as I rested my head against his shoulder.

And just as I blinked twice, I was ripped back into the present.

My arms were empty. He wasn’t here anymore. Instead of resting against his shoulder, my head laid against the cold tiled floor. Water splashed across my face. My mother stood above me. She had thrown a glass of it over me to wake me.

I pushed myself onto my knees and looked up at her. Every part of me screamed not to say it, but the words came anyway.

“This is why we never told you anything,” I said. “We were too fucking scared. We’d rather die than be lectured by you.”

She stared at me, still holding the empty glass.

“You’re so damn lucky,” I sniffed. “Lucky to have kids like us. Kids who loved you so much we’d give up everything rather thandisappoint you. And instead of hearing‘thank you,’all we ever got was a slap across the face.”

I screamed at her.

“Gianni is missing.”

I wiped the tears from my face.

“Instead of shouting at me, you should be at the police station, begging them to find your son. Because that’s what mothers do.”

I looked her straight in the eyes.

“But you’re not a mother.”

She raised her hand again.

“I gave birth to you. I can damn sure kill you if I want to. I have that right, you spoiled brat.”

“Spoiled?” I shouted.

“I never asked for anything.” Tears flooded my cheeks. “I walked around for years wearing Gianni’s and Oliver’s clothes because I never had anything of my own.”

I stood up, each palm pressed against the opposite arm as I held myself together, trying not to come apart even more. Everything I’d kept buried inside me for years spilled out in just a few sentences. And she didn’t even bother to keep up. She didn’t even bother to listen. She just stared at me, weighing what she could do next to hurt me enough to make me give in.

My legs trembled, but I moved past her and walked back upstairs to my bedroom. Cigarette smoke came after me, reminding me that nothing had changed in her eyes. But for me, everything had.

She knew now, and it was official— Gianni is a missing person.

The soft ringtone of a phone woke me. I hadn’t slept for long, but exhaustion had finally claimed me after I’d cried into the pillow I clutched beside me until it was soaked with tears. I was still lying in bed with my clothes on. I hadn’t even bothered to change into anything comfortable. The pink phone Isabella had given me was still tucked into the back pocket of my jeans.

I pulled it out and saw an unknown number on the small screen above the flip cover. I opened it and pressed it to my ear.

“Hey,” Isabella sniffled. “The police came by my place today.”

I pushed myself upright, drawing my knees to my chest. My fingers tightened around the phone.

“I think they set him up, Gabby,” she whispered. “I think something really bad happened.”

“Who?” My voice came out barely louder than a breath.

“I… I don’t know.” She fell silent for a moment before speaking again. “My uncle works at the station. He heard they found a severed finger.”