Page 112 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

Mine was always the same. I asked the sea to bring Oliver back. His wish was always to stay with me.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, pulling me from the dream. My eyes opened. For a moment, I stayed in bed, listening as it rang again and again. With a quiet sigh, I pushed the sheets aside, climbed out of bed, and slowly made my way downstairs.

I didn’t even bother to check who it was. I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob, lowered it, and pulled the door open.

In front of me stood a little boy, no older than two, holding out a single blue hydrangea. His hair was a deep shade of brown, with a few lighter strands catching the light, and his eyes were green. Long lashes framed them, and every time he blinked, they shimmered as though dusted with glitter.

I looked up and found a face I hadn’t seen in so long. Her hair, once its familiar shade of pink, was now dyed blonde.

“Hey,” she said softly, lifting the little boy into her arms.

He stretched the flower towards me.

“Bwu,” he mumbled.

She smiled. “I came to see you,” Nikki said. “I was going through some things, and I found a letter Oliver wrote in 2001.”

I stepped away from the doorway, letting her inside. As she walked in, I closed the door behind us and watched the little boy as he wriggled free from her arms. The moment his feet touched the floor, he toddled towards the living room.

It was Oliver’s son.

The son who would never meet his father. A child who would grow up never knowing the man who had loved him before he even got the chance to meet him.

We followed after him. Before sitting down, Nikki picked him up again as he reached for a vase on the table.

“He’s at that age where he wants to touch everything,” she said with a small smile.

Her smile faded when I watched her, just standing still.

“I know you probably hate me and don’t want to see me.” Tears welled in her eyes. “But I wanted you to meet Elliot Blue.”

She looked down at her son before meeting my eyes again.

“I know Oliver never loved me the way he loved you. But I still wanted to bring you a piece of him.”

A tear slipped down my cheek.

I held out my finger towards Elliot. His tiny hand wrapped around it without hesitation. His touch was warm and impossibly small. With my other hand, I pressed the blue hydrangea against my chest.

“When I heard what happened, I knew he didn’t have any other choice,” she said. “He would never have left you. It’s oneof the reasons he was always there.” She sniffed. “It was always you.”

She let out a quiet laugh and nodded, wiping away her tears as the little boy reached up and touched her chin.

“I guess I was jealous. I never had anyone who loved me that much. And the two of you just kept pushing each other away. I didn’t know how to cope, so I took something that wasn’t mine, thinking it would finally make me feel better.”

She held out the letter. “I never opened it.”

Then she kissed the boy’s forehead.

I unfolded the paper, but there were no paragraphs. It was only a poem.

“We were the sea, we were the tide,

Too full of hurt, too full of pride.

Now all that’s left for me to do

Is search for you in every blue.