Page 1 of Blue in the Deep Blue Sea

1

BLUE

In the deep deep blue sea there was a blue blue shark, and a blue blue shark swam further deep deep down, and deep deep down there was a sunken ship, and inside a sunken ship was a blue blue chest, and inside of a blue blue chest was someone dead.

It was a dream I had over and over again, ever since I was a child. I would float on the water until something grabbed me and pulled me under, dragging me deeper into the dark blue sea, deeper and deeper, until my lungs burned and I could no longer breathe.

My mother said it was because I hadThalassophobia, a fear of deep water.

It all started when my father left us.

I was five. My brother, Gianni, was seven. I remember crying, screaming, then running after him.

It’s strange how we forget half our lives, yet some moments carve themselves into us so deeply that no matter how badly we want to erase them, they never leave.

That morning, at exactly nine o’clock, my mother burst into our bedroom and shook us awake. She shouted that we had to say goodbye to our father.

Still half asleep, I stumbled to my feet while she pulled me by the hand through the hallway and into the living room. My father stood by the door with two suitcases already packed.

She yelled at him to look at us, to remember our faces, because it would be the last time he would ever see us.

He shouted back that he’d had enough. And I never understood what he meant by that until I grew older. But at that particular moment, when he turned his back and walked through the door, I pulled my hand free from my mother’s and ran after him. He never looked back. Not even once.

Our house stood near the port, and I knew exactly where he was going. The one place he had always wanted to return to—England. The ship was due to leave in an hour.

I remember it was Saturday because the ship’s siren could always be heard from my bedroom window. I knew I had to catch him before it was too late.

The sharp pebbles stung my bare feet as I ran towards the port. Thousands of adults were already boarding, their voices blending into the crash of waves and the groan of the ship. Just as I caught sight of him, my brother reached me, wrapped his arms around me, and held me in place while we watched him leave.

My cheeks burned from tears and the wind that carried dry, salty air across the harbor. From the edge of the port, you could still see our house. I glanced back one last time and found mymother standing in the doorway, a cigarette between her fingers as she exhaled one last stream of smoke.

He left us.

Papa left us.

As I turned back, hearing the siren of a ship departing, I ran as fast as I could, trying to catch it. Instead, I slipped and fell into the sea, sinking beneath the waves as something pulled me further down. Salty water rushed into my mouth and filled my tiny lungs. I gasped for air, but there was none. As I sank deeper, all I could see was the endless blue sea, growing darker. Nothing else. Just dark blue emptiness, until my eyes finally closed.

The story always started and ended the same, simply because the person telling it was still breathing.

I was still breathing.

A loud scream tore from my throat as my eyes flew open. Sweat trickled beneath my tangled hair, leaving damp strands plastered to my forehead as I pushed myself upright. I pulled my knees to my chest and leaned against the wall, my gaze fixed on the same spot where nothing remained but the hole from a nail that had fallen out a week ago, taking the family portrait with it.

The irony.

I brushed the hair away from my forehead, drew in a deep breath, then slowly let out the air that had sat too long in my lungs.

Gianni opened the bedroom door and stepped inside. He was wearing one of the expensive white shirts that his best friend,that asshole, had lent him, which could only meanonething. He was going out withOliver Sinclair.

“Sofia is finally sleeping,” he said, closing the door quietly behind him.

I think he’s the only Italian son on the Amalfi Coast who calls his mother by her name instead of1mammina. But there’s a good reason for that.

Exhaling a short breath, I added, “So, your plan is to sneak out and be back before dawn.”

He hurried over and cupped my cheeks with both hands. I looked into his blue eyes as he said, “And if I’m not, you’ll cover for me.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead before heading for the already half-open window.

“And what’s the excuse this time?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.