Page 32 of The Secret Mate Society

Something flickered across his features at my choice of words."Maybe I'm just not much of a talker during the day."

"Bullshit."The word came out sharper than I intended, and I saw his eyebrows raise slightly."Look, if you don't want to be here, just say so.I'm a big boy, I can handle rejection.Besides, it’s not like you want anything to do with me anyway, right?You know, since you’restraightand all.”

Calder’s brows furrowed as he glared at me.“Iamstraight.”

“Then what the hell are you doing taking a gay guy out to lunch on your motorcycle?!”I cried, louder than I intended.Several of the other cafe goers turned our way, staring openly.“Don’t tell me it’s just because you wanna be friends.I’m not fucking stupid.”

He seemed very taken aback by my sudden irritation.Even I was surprised to be honest.I wasn’t sure what had gotten me so worked up.Maybe it was Marcus Greer’s death or maybe it was Jake’s confession.Despite all that, my heart still pounded every time I was near Calder, every time he texted me out of the blue.My heart wanted him for some reason and his not-so-secret glances at my ass whenever he thought I wasn’t looking were driving me crazy.Why couldn’t he just admit it instead of jerking me around?

The color drained from Calder's face, then rushed back in a wave of red that crept up his neck.His jaw worked silently for a moment, like he was chewing on words he couldn't quite spit out.

"Keep your voice down," he growled, glancing around at the curious stares we were attracting.

"Or what?"I challenged, leaning forward across the table."You'll storm out and pretend this never happened?News flash, Calder, you're the one who keeps calling me.You're the one who agreed to lunch.So either tell me what you want or stop wasting my time."

His hands clenched into fists on the table, knuckles going white.For a split second, something wild flashed in his eyes, something that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.But then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and when he opened them again, that guarded mask was back in place.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he said quietly.

"Don't I?"I grabbed a french fry and pointed it at him accusingly."Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like a guy who's attracted to someone but too scared to admit it.And you know what?I'm tired of playing games."

I stood up abruptly, my chair scraping against the floor."Thanks for lunch, Calder.When you figure out what you actually want, give me a call.In the meantime, I have a life to live and men worth my time to date."

I turned to leave, my heart hammering with a mixture of anger and disappointment.I'd made it three steps before his voice stopped me.

"Ethan, wait."

The rough desperation in his tone made me pause, but I didn't turn around."Why?So you can tell me again how straight you are while undressing me with your eyes all the fucking time?"

"Because you're right."

The admission was so quiet I almost missed it.I turned slowly, finding him still seated but staring at me with an expression I couldn't quite read.Vulnerable, maybe.Terrified, definitely.

"I'm right about what?"I asked, taking a step back toward the table.

Calder's throat worked as he swallowed hard."About...about me being attracted to you.About being scared."His voice dropped even lower."About not knowing what the hell I want."

My anger deflated like a punctured balloon.I could see the genuine confusion in his eyes, the war between what he thought he should feel and what he actually felt.I'd seen that look in the mirror plenty of times growing up.

"Calder..."I started, but he held up a hand.

"I need some air," he said, standing abruptly."This place is too..."He gestured vaguely at the curious onlookers still watching our drama unfold.

Without waiting for a response, he headed for the door.I hesitated for a moment, then followed him outside into the cool afternoon air.Dark clouds were gathering overhead, promising another downpour like the one that had caught us on our first motorcycle ride.

Calder stood with his back to me, hands shoved deep in his leather jacket pockets.His shoulders were rigid with tension, and I could see the rapid rise and fall of his breathing even from several feet away.

"Look," I said, moving closer but still giving him space."I didn't mean to put you on the spot in there.Well… maybe I did a little bit.I just?—"

"You don't understand," he cut me off, still not turning around."It's not that simple."

"What's not simple about it?"I asked."Either you're attracted to me or you're not.Either you want to explore that or you don't.Seems pretty fucking simple.”

He let out a harsh laugh that held no humor."You think it's just about attraction?"

"What else would it be?"

Finally, he turned to face me, and the raw conflict in his eyes made my chest tighten."There are things about me you don't know, Ethan.Things that would change how you see me."