Page 219 of Joker

There are nights when I still catch myself looking at her like she might disappear if I blink wrong.

Not because I think she will. Not anymore.

That’s the part that still catches me off guard.

For the longest time, even after Cal was dead, even after the dust settled and the blood dried and the club stopped moving like every shadow might have teeth, some part of me still stayed braced for impact. I’d watch Raven laugh with the women or carry Lexi across the yard or fall asleep with one hand on my chest like she needed the proof of me there, and there’d still be this low, ugly instinct under everything, waiting for the world to try and take it back.

That part’s quieter now. Not gone. I’m not sure men like me ever go fully soft around the edges after the lives we’ve lived.

But quieter. And that’s because of her.

Because I’ve watched the change happen slow and steady, one ordinary day at a time, until one morning I wake up andrealize the woman in my bed no longer opens her eyes like she’s waiting to hear a key in the lock.

She moves different now. Breathes different. Lives different.

She laughs easier. Sleeps harder. She doesn’t flinch every time somebody steps into a room behind her anymore, and when she does get caught by some old memory or some bad second that sneaks up on her, she comes back faster. She doesn’t spend every waking moment braced for the worst thing that could happen next. She doesn’t watch Lexi like the kid might vanish if she looks away for one second. She lets other people hold her. Lets the women help. Lets the brothers make Lexi laugh. Lets me do all the little things I started doing for them so long ago I don’t know how to separate habit from devotion anymore.

Most nights, she falls asleep curled into me like there’s no safer place on earth. Most mornings, I wake up with her leg tangled through mine and her hair in my mouth because she fights like a wildcat in her sleep and steals all the blankets like she pays rent.

I’ve never been happier in my whole goddamn life. That truth still feels dangerous some days. Not because it isn’t real. Because it is.

Because it’s so real I can feel it in my bones when I step out onto the porch and see her standing in the yard with Lexi beside her and the whole clubhouse alive around them like they were always meant to be part of this place.

Tonight the yard’s full again.

Bonfire going. Music low. Beer cold. Kids all over the damn place. The usual chaos. Exactly the kind I never knew I’d end up craving.

I’m standing by the fire with Logan, Cain, Carter, Shadow, and Dom, half listening to Blaze run his mouth about something stupid and definitely made up when Raven looks over from where she’s talking to Emma and Brooke and gives me a smile that immediately makes me suspicious. Not soft. Not just warm. Sly.

I narrow my eyes at her from across the yard.

She lifts one brow, like she knows exactly what she just did and intends to make it my problem. That smile lands low in my gut and sharp in my chest at the same time, because I know my woman well enough now to recognize when she’s keeping a secret.

A good one. One she thinks is going to knock me on my ass. She holds my gaze another second, then tips her head toward the side of the clubhouse, away from the fire and the tables and the noise.

I don’t hesitate.

I hand my beer to Shadow without looking at him. “Hold that.”

He glances down at the bottle, then back at me. “You trusting me with alcohol now? Big growth.”

“Drop it and I’ll bury you.”

“Love you too.”

I ignore him and head around the side of the building where Raven’s already waiting in the shade near the back steps, arms folded loosely over her chest, dark hair spilling over one shoulder, mouth still curved like she knows something I don’t.

That smile alone is enough to make me want to drag her into my room and lock the door for the rest of the night.

I stop in front of her and look her over once, slowly. “You got that look.”

Her eyes gleam. “What look?”

“The one that says I’m about to either be very happy or very pissed off.”

She laughs under her breath, soft and real and so fucking familiar now it still does something to me every time. “Definitely not pissed.”

I take one step closer. “Then what is it?”