Page 215 of Joker

I thought maybe I’d never get it back. Or maybe I’d get some version of safe but never the kind that settles into your bones and makes your body unclench without needing permission.

I was wrong.

Home isn’t the absence of danger. It’s the presence of people who would burn danger down before they let it touch you again.

It’s Lexi asleep hard enough to drool on Joker’s chest because she climbed into his lap mid-movie and stayed there.

It’s Emma knocking once before walking in with a bowl of soup when I had the flu and acting like it was no big thing.

It’s Mac calling me out when I’m getting too deep in my own head and Kya sitting down beside me without asking questions when I need company more than conversation.

It’s Brooke showing up with little barrettes she thought Lexi would like and Shaina pretending she isn’t fond of any of us while absolutely watching all the kids like a hawk from across the room.

It’s Logan calling me family without fanfare, like the truth of it was obvious from the second Joker claimed me and I just needed time to catch up.

It’s this. This yard. This firepit. This noise. This life.

The life we fought for.

The one Cal would’ve destroyed if Joker and the club hadn’t ended it before he got the chance. That thought doesn’tbring the same cold terror anymore. Not because I forgot. Because I didn’t.

I never will.

There are still nights when I wake up and reach for Joker before I’m fully conscious, needing to feel the warmth of him there before my body remembers what year it is. There are still moments when being watched too closely, even lovingly, can make my skin prickle wrong before my mind catches up and tells me I’m safe. There are still scars I don’t let myself look at too long.

But the difference now is that those things are part of my life. They are not my whole life. That’s the payoff. That’s the miracle.

I’m no longer living like I’m waiting for impact.

I’m just living.

Someone shouts for plates. Someone else shouts back. Jason starts crying because he tripped over nothing and offended himself, and Cain scoops him up with the long-suffering ease of a father who’s already seen all three acts of the drama before it even fully unfolds.

Joker comes back toward me a minute later with a hotdog in one hand, Lexi on his hip, and that same look in his eye that says he’s already decided I haven’t eaten enough and intends to make it my problem.

“Told her no,” he says by way of greeting, handing me the plate.

I take it automatically. “Told who no?”

He jerks his chin toward Lexi. “She wanted ketchup on the bun and the plate and probably my boots.”

Lexi looks at me with complete confidence. “It’s yummy.”

I glance between them. “You’re both impossible.”

“I’m offended,” Joker says.

Lexi nods solemnly. “I’m little impossible.”

I laugh so hard I almost drop the plate.

Joker’s mouth twitches. That’s all. Just that. But I know him. I know exactly how much pleasure he takes in making me laugh when I don’t see it coming.

Lexi twists in his arms to show me something sticky in her other hand.

A flower. Crushed. Probably stolen from somewhere near the fence. “It for you.”

My chest tightens instantly. “Oh, baby.”