Page 13 of Joker

I swallow against the ache building at the back of my throat.

For a long time after I married Cal, I tried to hold both versions of him in my head at the same time. The man who courted me hard and fast, who made everything feel urgent and inevitable, who looked at me like I was the only thing in any room worth seeing. And the man who started making comments about my clothes, then my friends, then how often I called my dad. The man who asked where I’d been in that tone that sounded casual until it didn’t. The man who got irritated first, then angry, then cold. The man who decided all we needed was each other and slowly went about cutting away everything else until that almost became true.

At first it was so small I could explain it away.

He didn’t like my friend Tessa because she was “messy” and “always in our business.” He thought my father was too overprotective and needed to understand I was married now.He didn’t love that I still drove out to the chapter sometimes without telling him first because it made him feel like he came second.

It all sounded reasonable if you looked at it one piece at a time.

A husband wanting to prioritize his marriage. A husband getting frustrated. A husband asking for respect. By the time I understood each small thing was part of the same machine, I was already inside it.

I pull my arms around myself and look at Lexi again. She’s humming under her breath, tongue peeking out in concentration as she fills in the roof of her house.

“I can’t keep doing this,” I say quietly. “I can’t keep waiting to see how close he gets.”

“You won’t.” The certainty in my father’s voice should help. Instead it makes my eyes burn.

I press my lips together and nod once because if I try to speak I might humiliate myself.

His hand lands on my shoulder, heavy and warm. Not soft, because my father has never been a soft man, but steady in a way that reminds me I came from people who stand their ground.

“The man coming to get you is solid,” he says after a moment. “He’s trusted. He can handle himself. And Cal’s people won’t be looking at him.”

That gets my attention for all the wrong reasons. “Why not?”

“Because he’s not obvious.”

That is not reassuring in the slightest. “You realize saying that out loud does not make me feel better.”

The corner of his mouth moves. “Didn’t think it would.”

“Then why say it?”

“Because I’m telling you this is the best option I’ve got right now, and I’m not going to dress it up. He’ll get you where you need to go, and he won’t make noise doing it.”

I scrub a hand over my face and immediately regret it because I still haven’t gotten used to not wearing makeup. My skin feels naked. Exposed. “Do I get a name?”

He studies me for a second before answering. “Joker.”

I stare at him. “You’re kidding.”

“No.”

“That’s his road name?”

“Yes.”

I almost laugh. It comes out more like disbelief. “And I’m supposed to hear that and relax?”

My father crosses his arms over his chest. “You want me to lie and tell you it’s Michael?”

I give him a look.

He gives me one right back.

For a second, despite everything, something almost normal passes between us. The kind of dry exasperation I grewup on. Then it fades, because nothing stays normal for long anymore.

“When do I need to be ready?” I ask.