Page 60 of Her Ex-Husband's Brother

I close my eyes and focus on the steps Dr. Delaney and I have run through, time and time again.

I need to get back in my body by grounding myself in my five senses.

Sight. I open my eyes but still feel just as spacy. There are flashing lights.

Noise. Voices in cacophony. I can’t tell one from another and it’s all so disorienting.

And then a hand clasps mine and squeezes.Touch.

I squeeze back, like a lifeline tethering me back into my body.

It’sherhand. Lennon.

I breathe out in relief as one by one, more orienting senses start to wash in. The ground beneath my feet. The rough ridge of the seam at the side of my jeans. The feel of the cool February night breeze against my face.

Her scent. Floral and vanilla.

“C’mon,” she says softly. “Let’s get out of here.”

I inhale, and squeeze her hand back.

Me, in the present, back in this body. Her hand in my hand.

Here.

I suck in a big breath, letting my lungs fill and focusing on the sensation. I hold it for several seconds and then slowly exhale.

I nod. “Okay. That sounds good,” I say, focusing on the rumble in my chest as I speak. And the feel of the muscles in my thigh that flex as I take a step. The gentle impact of the ground as I step back down.

With the hand not holding Lennon’s, I keep rubbing at the seam of my denim jeans, focusing on the sensation of the little nubbin beneath my fingers.

Staying present.

“This is your RV, right?”

I look up and yeah, Lennon’s led me home.

I guess she saw me when I came out. I’ve been in such survival mode, it only occurs to me now to realize she just saw me having one of my… episodes.

Heat works its way up the back of my neck.

Fuck.

I feel so…exposed. Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover it.

People talk about dreams where they show up to an exam only to realize they’re completely naked. This is like that, because I just showed my entire ass.

The thing is, when you meet me, and maybe even if we hang out for a month or more if I’m lucky, everything can seem copacetic.

But hang around too long and the crazy will pop up its gnarly little head, Little Shop of Horrors style.

Everybody runs, eventually.

As they should.

It’s bad enough I’m cursed with this devil. Inviting anybody else in to share it is just… selfish.

I heave out a heavy sigh.