Page 38 of Her Ex-Husband's Brother

It starts somewhere below my sternum and comes up with more force than I expected, and it is loud?—

I have always been told I am too loud, at least until I learned to stuff it all down inside.

But right now I am as loud as I actually am without shoving a single bit down?—

And I scream.

I scream in the Starbucks parking lot and I scream at the woman walking past with a Venti drink and I scream when I get on the frontage road.

I lean my head back and I scream until my throat aches and the sound of it fills every inch of the car and bounces back at me.

Then I get on the highway.

And I scream there too.

TEN

AUGUST

I tookthe fort down this time before I left. I made sure every pillow and blanket was folded and put back in its place.

Trent had an unexpected work thing in San Antonio the last couple days and Priscilla asked if I could take over Owen duty so she could go with him. I said yes before she finished the sentence. I always say yes to extra time with my son.

And because honestly after the disastrous morning at the cabin with Lennon and my mother showing up, I needed something to do with my hands and my head that wasn’t running that awful parting on replay.

Owen was the right answer for that.

Owen is usually the right answer, for most things.

We made the fort again, smaller this time. Just the couch cushions and the big blanket from the hall closet.

I let him win every dragon fight because he’s four and because watching him feel triumphant is one of the better things I know how to do with an afternoon.

We ate pancakes for dinner because he asked and I couldn’t think of a single reason not to. We watched Airbender again. It’s his current obsession, which I may haveslightlyinfluenced, as in… I put it on because I love to watch it in my free time, and he fell asleep on my chest during the episode where Zuko and his uncle are just sitting in a tea shop being quiet together, which felt meaningful in a way I try not to look at too closely.

Yesterday after school I took him to the park.

And this morning I dropped him at school and went back to clean a house that didn’t have him in it, which is always the worst part of the custody rotation. Not the cleaning part. Just the part where I know I won’t see him again for a handful of days.

But I’m regulated.

That’s the thing. Two days with Owen and I’m back to something functional. The noise is at a manageable level.

At my Tuesday appointment, Dr. Delaney asked me if I was proud of myself and begrudgingly, I said,I guess, sure.

I have three bookings this week and a back piece that’s going to take a fourth session to finish. I have a plan and routine, and I’m working it.

I’m back to beingfine.

I shift the duffel on my shoulder and come through the RV park gate.

Which is when I freeze in my tracks.

Because…she’sthere.

Lennon is in a hoodie sitting on a lounger by the pool with a laptop propped on her knees. I see her before she sees me, which seems to be a pattern with us.

She’s got a drink in her hand that’s the color of a margarita and she’s laughing. Just to herself, quietly, with some internal amusement. Fuck, I find that incredibly charming. Plus she’s so goddamn gorgeous.