Page 35 of Beneath Still Waters

In the distance, she heard Duke calling for backup. Seconds later, three groups of two men came out in teams, guns drawn, covering the whole area.

“Shots came from my four o’clock,” Duke said.

From just behind him on his right. Meaning the shooter had to be a few vehicles away from her. Would he come and find her? She glanced over her shoulder, searching for shadows or anything that moved. Her hands shook. If someone startled her now . . . She shoved the Glock back into its holster.

“Clear!” she heard the volley of shouts all around the parking lot. Then silence.

Whoever had shot at them had gotten away.

TWENTY-NINE

“So, how did that make you feel?” Brendon Ruse pushed a bowl of chocolate candies toward her.

Ferd tucked her legs tightly under her and refused to even lean forward.The candy is a trap. If I accept it, that’s a gateway to trust.“Stereotype much?”

He snorted but did not smile. Brendon was a master at controlling his face. He never seemed happy or sad. Never anything but in control. He wheeled back from his desk and rolled his wheelchair away from it. “Care to lie on the sofa? We can complete this awkward farce of a session if you’d like?”

She flinched. Okay, maybe sometimes he showed emotions. “Brendon. You know me. That makes this so much harder. Who wouldn’t be scared in a shootout? Who wouldn’t dodge for cover? That’s my issue. I feel like my reactions were completely, absolutely normal. My reactions now . . . not so much.”

He leaned on his armrests and rested his chin on his folded hands. “But as an officer, you are anything but a normal civilian. You’ve gone through something only a sliver of the population will ever have to go through. People in rural Wyoming don’t get shot at. Twice. In the span of six weeks. That’s not normal.”

She still couldn’t hold her gun steady and his words wouldn’t change that. “I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way.” She shifted in her seat, hugging her knees in front of her. “I’m supposed to return to work in a week. I’ve been told to come for an in-person meeting. If they weren’t going to ask me to return to duty, they’d ask my doctors to send proof or ask for a video meeting. Instead, I need to be there and bring proof. Probably to show that I wasn’t faking all this. What if I can’t go back?” Thinking about the previous day sent her heart racing and sweat gathering at her temples.

Brendon rolled to his mini fridge on the other side of his large office and opened it, then tossed her a water. She caught it and immediately twisted off the top. “Thanks.”

“So, we've established your fear isn't irrational. But are you officer rational or civilian rational?”

“That’s why I’m here, doc.” She set the open bottle on the table at her side, careful to use Brendon’s strategically placed coaster.

“What, exactly, makes you fear returning to Cody? Might be lots of reasons. Might seem silly to you, but they’re probably deeper than you think. Hit me with all of it. Even the inconsequential stuff.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. Connor's office was only one room away. If he heard about Hunter . . . If he knew what she’d allowed to happen in her life. He might change his mind about her. He might decide she was too stupid to call sister. He might . . . abandon her.

“You’ve got a lot going through your mind right now. I can see the fears play across your face. At least I know you feel safe enough here to let your emotions show, if not your words.”

“How much can my brother hear?”

He tilted his head slightly but didn’t look confused in the slightest. “Nothing. The walls are double insulated with sound-dampening insulation. He cannot hear regular conversation in here.”

“And how much do you tell him?” That was the real issue. Brendon and Connor, and all the men who worked for him at Wayside, were his close friends. They didn’t keep secrets.

“He doesn’t ask me and I wouldn’t tell him anything. The only exception to that rule is if whatever someone has said might lead to harm of themselves or someone else. Then I’m obligated to tell him.”

“Well, if Connor hears, someone might get hurt.” She closed her eyes.

“You think he would hurt someone on your behalf?”

Why did that sentence sound so level-headed coming from Brendon when it shouldn’t sound right coming from anyone? “Yes. I think he would be mad at me first and foremost, then he’d go after the guy second.”

“A guy? Were you dating someone in Cody?”

“Are you curious or does this have to do with the conversation?” she shot back.

“So you were. He did something? I don’t want to lead this session. It’s not my way of getting to the bottom of things.”

She took a deep breath. “I know. I’m sorry.” She let her feet fall to the floor and leaned forward. “What I’m about to say must die with you. Connor can’t know.”

“And this has to do with your fear of using your gun? That's an assumption, of course. Being afraid in a gunfight is normal. Feeling like you can’t protect yourself is another, deeper fear.”