Page 70 of The Illusion
"They're from Asher."
"What's the occasion?"
"An apology."
She freezes. "For what?"
"For being an asshole."
"Do you want to talk about whatever happened to lead to this?”
I shake my head. "No. I need normal right now."
"Okay. Did he actually apologize or did he just send flowers?"
I look at the card again. "Both, I guess."
"And you believe him?"
The answer is no, I don't. I'm just not ready to have that conversation yet. Instead, I shrug. "The card says he made reservations for our anniversary," I say.
“Is that good?”
"I don't know."
Jamie sits down beside me. "Julie."
"What?"
"Do you even want to celebrate your anniversary?"
Last night changed things for me though. He was abusive. Not physically. But mentally, absolutely. And it isn’t the first time.
When he aggressively goes after me in the way that he does, I see my dad. It's the worst fucking pain I've ever felt. I promised myself I'd never marry a man like him. Yet here I am. "I don't know," I admit. "I guess I'll see how it goes."
"And if it doesn't go well?"
I look at the flowers. At the card. At the carefully written words that feel more like damage control than genuine remorse. “Then I’ll go from there.”
Jamie doesn't say anything. She just puts her hand on mine and squeezes. I spend the rest of the day staring at the flowers. They're beautiful. Expensive. Perfectly arranged. And I feel absolutely nothing.
That night, I drive home the long way again. And when I walk through the door, Asher is in the kitchen making dinner. Devon is at the table doing schoolwork. They both look up and smile.
"Hey," Asher says. "Did you get the flowers?"
"I did. Thank you."
"I meant what I said. I'm sorry."
"Okay."
He waits for me to say more. But I don't. I just set my bag down and go upstairs to change. We tiptoe around each other for the rest of the night. Once we’re in bed, I roll on my side and think about the anniversary dinner. Part of me wonders whether he'll actually show up. And if he does, how long it will take for something to ruin the evening. I hate that these are thoughts I now have to have because his behavior has trained me not to trust him anymore.
And once the trust is gone, what’s left?
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
