Page 300 of The Professor's Wife

Goddammit, what was it?

I waited for the dream to come to me. The only explanation for being this jumpy had to do with the dream. The nightmare was haunting me, and I needed to remember what it was. Then I could make sense of all this and carry on like usual. Make that bastard his breakfast and maybe catch some hours here, reading. The bookshelves usually relaxed me, but I found no solace in their presence. I glanced at my latest book, my fingers twitching to touch it—

No.

I refrained and shut my eyes instead. I didn’t need distractions. I needed to understand why I felt like I lost the most important human being in my life.

Come to me. Please….

Remember, Daisy.

Remember.

I didn’t move. I sat still, cleansing my mind of all thought, waiting for the curtain to rise. I waited, with bated breath, as the darkness pulled apart, and the images flooded in.

THE CAVE

I’m somewhere dark and cold. I’m sad. So immensely sad, the grief has stolen my words. When I open my mouth, I can’t speak. I can’t move, either, and I’m so, so alone.

I’m paralyzed as I sit here on a hard seat, my gaze trapped to the rocky wall before me. There are shadows dancing on the walls. An eerie melody plays. It’s a flute and the tinkle of a music triangle. It’s so repetitive, it hurts my ears.

I keep thinking,this is how it is. This is how it will always be.

I think this thought on repeat with that blasted tune, and the grief never goes away. It just exists inside me like it’s part of me. After a while, I stop trying to talk. I accept my prison, and it seems close to relief when I do. All is as it should be. Nothing exists besides the shadows and me.

This is how it is.

This is how it will always be—

Something flickers in my peripheral.

It doesn’t stop.

The movement is distracting and happens so often, it starts to interrupt my repetitious thought.

I attempt to turn my head. It takes a lot of work. I feel like something is grabbing my head and forcing it in place, but I fight against it now, curious to know what’s causing the movement.

Now that I know something is there, I can’t stop myself from wondering what it is. My heart picks up. I’m scared, but my desire to know outweighs the fear of knowing something else is here, with me, causing it. If I don’t look, it might stop and I’ll never know.

And I need to know.

With gritted teeth, I fight against the force and manage to turn my head.

Immediately, I freeze in place.

The cavernous room is large and dim, but more than that, it isn’t empty. I thought I was alone, but there are many silhouettes standing together…staring at me. The flickering doesn’t come from their movements, but from something on them. Lots of little somethings that flutter off their bodies and then settle back on them.

Butterflies.

I’m so scared, my breaths come out shaky and fast, but I can’t stop looking at them. Ignoring the shadows on the wall, I fight against the force trying to keep me in place and come to a wobbly stand. I haven’t stopped staring at the beings in the room with me. They scare me, but I’m more scared they’ll vanish if I look away for a second.

It takes everything to move to them. The crushing force never abates. I walk with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I walk and it isn’t easy to breathe as I do. My heart is hammering away in my chest as I draw closer to them.

There are so many of you.

Why are you here?

But I know why.