Page 170 of The Professor's Wife

“You were trapped.”

My face whipped in his direction. I held my breath, watching his serious face grow curious.

“I was trapped where?”

“It was a dark place, and I kept telling you to get out, but you wouldn’t listen.” He frowned, looking down at his white shoes. “You kept ignoring us.”

“Us?”

He nodded. “Aunt June was there.”

My eyes pricked with tears. I looked away again, trying to collect myself. Just her name made my knees almost buckle. Pain twisted in my chest as I tightly replied, “Where were both of you?”

I felt his eyes on me.

“We were in the light.”

I quickly brushed a tear away, inhaling deeply as I considered his words. He was dreaming of June because it was a way to process his grief. I told myself this in that moment. He missed her. We both did.

But—

I opened my mouth to respond when the honk sounded from outside. Glancing out, I saw the shuttle bus parked in front of the house, waiting.

I wanted to watch it leave. My gut told me this was all wrong. I could not be without my boy.

It was too hard.

“Can’t keep them waiting, buddy,” Oliver breezed into the room behind us. “You’re all ready?”

I couldn’t look at him. Not without showing vitriol.

“I’m ready,” Rowe declared.

He took my hand, squeezing tightly as Oliver opened the door and collected the bags from the room. There was already an attendant at the door to help. Oliver exchanged some cheerful words with the young man as they divided the bags and walked them down to the small white-and-green bus.

I smoothed Rowe’s hair, kissed his temple, and led him out the door on shaking legs. Every step felt heavier than the last.

I wanted to tell him how much I would miss him, how much I loved him, but again, the words were trapped in my throat, weighed down by sadness. I didn’t want him to see me crumble. I had to be strong for him.

He would be all right, I consoled myself. He would have so much fun there. There was a lot to do at the private school that would benefit him. He’d swim, row boats, join the soccer team, and be part of a slew of extracurriculars that weren’t available right there. This school guaranteed entry into the best universities.

Rowe would have the best chance at life.

I just wished he didn’t have to leave me now.

Just another year...

They loaded his things quickly. The process was faster than I thought. By the time we got to the bus, he was ready to board.

I knelt and took his small, pale face into my hands. Stared into his hazel eyes. Saw June in them.

I tried to smile at him, but my lips didn’t work. I took him in for a hug instead, burying my face into his small shoulder and squeezing him to me tightly.

“I love you,” I choked out. “I’ll see you.”

“I love you, Mommy,” he replied quietly.

I didn’t let him go straightaway. I felt Oliver’s presence closing in on me. I ignored him, closing my eyes tightly to savor Rowe’s touch.