Page 58 of Highlands Summer Wedding

Kara stepped out of her heels and into a pair of cute wellies before donning a long raincoat. “All set!”

“We’ll have you sign a few waivers, go over some animal safety rules, and then we’ll be on our way,” he said as he handed out clipboards.

After we heard his safety talk, he led us into the pasture behind the barn. My breath caught at the sight of them. Long front bangs hanging over their eyes, beautiful reddish-brown fur like giant Irish setters, and so gentle. When I extended my hand toward the nearest one, the beast lowered its massive head, allowing me to run my fingers through the thick fur of its neck.

“Try scratching her chin. I guarantee she’ll love it,” he said.

I reached out and scratched under her chin. She leaned into my touch, her eyes half-closing in what looked like pure bliss. Our phones came out in unison, everyone angling for the perfect shot with these gentle giants.

“Selfie queens,” Caitlin announced, arm around a lovely mother cow named Edita whose calf peeked shyly from behind.

“Okay, now, if you’ve all taken some selfies and patted these cows, we’re going to go on safari. The vehicle will be along in just a moment,” said the guide, pulling out a walkie talkie.

Soon a little tractor came around with a large wagon attached like a trailer. Kara was still in her fancy dress, yet she somehow managed to climb the steps in her wellies without any rips, trips, or lost sequins. The rest of us lumbered up easily and sat on the benches, wondering what a Highland cow safari would be like.

“We probably should have special ‘Highland Cow Safari’ hats,” mused Melissa.

“Damn, didn’t think of it. We do have tiaras for later, though…,” I said.

The tractor stopped at the edge of a sprawling meadow. Before us, Highland cattle dotted the landscape, their shaggy coats shone in the sunlight as they meandered between patches of clover. Some lounged in the grass, chewing lazily, while others dipped their massive horned heads to graze. What a nice life, to be a Highland cow.

We rattled along the bumpy road, taking our last views of the cows grazing. I leaned toward Kara. “I didn’t think about food and drinks for after. How hungry do you think people are? There’s a pub about a half hour drive away.”

Kara winked. “It’ll be okay.”

“Is there something in the limo?”

“Better!” she said with a grin.

As the safari returned to the stables, I looked around. “Where’s Sydney?”

Elspeth looked up from her phone where she was editing an adorable photo of Sydney and herself petting a cow. “She said she had to go back and ask something and that she’d be right back.”

“I bet she’s already in the barn. It’s not a bad walk, and you know how she loves hiking,” said Kara, who’d only just met Sydney, but… okay.

“How could she be in the barn?” I asked.

“Let’s have a look. I’m sure we’ll get this sorted,” said Lindsay, winking at Kara.

What did they know that I didn’t? I couldn’t shake the feeling they were all in on some secret.

Stepping down from the trailer, our shoes squished through the muddy field as we made our way toward the barn. At the entrance, Kara leaned in for a quick look, then turned back with a conspiratorial smile, waving us forward with urgent fingers.

The barn’s interior had been transformed—a disco ball suspended from the rafters cast spinning fragments of light across fairy lights strung between wooden beams, illuminating small cocktail tables arranged in a semicircle.

Kara stood center stage, microphone in hand, her voice booming with the exaggerated enthusiasm of a wrestling announcer as colored lights pulsed around her. “Welcome to the Highland Coo Experience AFTER PARTY!”

The barn plunged into darkness asI’m Too Sexyerupted from hidden speakers, and the disco ball scattered fractured light across our stunned faces.

Kara ushered us into our seats with Caitlin in the middle, looking mortified. “We said nice and wholesome!” she protested.

“Aye, and nice and wholesome is what you got. We had a lovely Highland Coo experience, and now it’s time to meet some nice, wholesome dancers,” said Lindsay, with a knowing smirk.

Caitlin covered her eyes, peeking through two fingers as a stall door opened. Angus appeared, dressed in his family kilt with a tight t-shirt, showing off his muscular arms. We all cheered, and he flashed her a mischievous grin. When they reached the line “I’m too sexy for my shirt…” he expertly pulled off his shirt, twirled it over his head, and tossed it to Caitlin, who grabbed it with glee.

For the next verse, Drew, Lindsay’s boyfriend, danced out of a stall and into the main barn. He wasn’t quite the dancer that Angus was, but he made up for it by hamming it up to the cheesy song, prancing around on the catwalk in his kilt. His antics earned even more cheers.

Elspeth rolled her eyes and muttered something about heteronormative entertainment, but Kara just flashed her mischievous grin. Soon the next stall door pushed open to reveal Sydney, dressed in a kilt and waving around a matching tartan sash. With a flourish, she flung one end around Elspeth’s waist and used it to reel her in for a kiss. Wild applause followed.