Page 46 of Bound By Ink

“I’m sorry, Derren.” I stare at my hands again, and he slides into the seat opposite.

“So, what do you want, Scott?” His face twists in disgust.

“I just wanna, I don’t know, start over.”

“Beg.”

“What?”

“Beg, you want me back, beg.” He spits the word beg every time. And it makes me flinch.

“Derren. I, look, I just wanna say I’m sorry.” I stand, give him a sad smile, and step away from the table.

His hand whips out, grabbing my wrist, and he pulls me back. “That’s it? You’re not gonna beg for my forgiveness, get down on your knees and promise it won’t happen again.” His hand grips me tighter, and I wince. “Tell me you’ll never see him again.”

“Derren, you’re hurting me.” I try to pull away, but he stands, his hand grips tighter as he pulls me against him. “I mean it, Scott, tell me you’ll never speak to him again.”

“He’s family, Derren. I can’t not see him.”

“You will, you’ll walk out of a room if he walks in, and you’ll block his number. You will do everything in your power to avoid him. And you will make it up to me.”

He twists his grip, and I wince. His other hand slides up to my face, and he brushes his thumb over my lip, smiling as his thumb presses into the split. I startle, muffling the cry that wants to rip from my mouth. He gives me a smirk.

“I’ll come by yours tonight after work. You can start making it up to me then.” He crashes his lips against mine. My lips sting, and I pull back, pressing my fingertip gently to the split. He reaches up and wipes his mouth. There’s a smear of blood on it where he’s split it open again. “Call him.”

“What?”

“Call him now, put it on speaker. I want to hear you tell him.”

“Derren.”

“Now, Scott.” His grip never loosens, and his glare, the pure hatred on his face. My hand shakes as I pull my phone from my pocket. “Call him.” I pull my hand free and dial Killian.

“Scott, you good?”

“Yeah, Killian, I’m good. I’ve been talking with Derren, and we’re going to make a go of it. So, I need to take a step back from us. I can’t see you anymore.”

“Scott?” His voice cracks, spearing into my chest. My heart breaks, and it’s like watching a car crash. I can’t stop it from happening.

Derren rips the phone from my hand. “Did you fucking hear him? You’re done. Don’t contact him, don’t go to the house, stay the fuck away,” Derren barks, and I flick my gaze at the people in the sandwich shop. Everyone is staring at me, and embarrassment crawls inside me. Shame engulfs me. The horror of it all.

“Is that what you want, Scott?” Killian’s voice breaks me. How can I erase him from my life after everything? Derren steps closer. His lip curls.

My voice shakes as I close my eyes and say, “Yes.”

“You sure about this, Scott?” Killian’s voice is deep and sharp. It grips my heart, squeezing, as I cut him out of my life and reply, “Yes, Killian. I’m sure. I’m sorry.” I gasp as Derren hangs up.

“I’ll keep this.” He tucks it into his pocket and turns to walk away. He glances over his shoulder at me and grins. It’s not a pleasant grin. Shivering, I know I’ve made a huge mistake, but I pulled the trigger. I set this ball rolling, and now I’m in freefall. I feel everything and numb all at the same time. I have to see this through to the end.

When I walk away, I head out into the street, and tears start to roll down my face as I navigate the crowds on their way about their business. Stumbling through the streets until I reach my house, I head straight inside to my room, and I collapse on the bed.

It’s when the smell hits me.Him. The strong, comforting smell, the one that’s wrapped me in it for years, when I skinned my knee when I was a kid, when myparents died, when I was bullied in school. When Derren hit me.

That hits the hardest. The fact that I chose Derren.

Fuck, I chose Derren. I break. I don’t know what else to do. My whole body sobs until there are no tears left, until my throat is dry and scratchy, my eyes raw, and I know I deserve it. I deserve it all. I’ve lost the most important person in my life. And nothing from here on out will fix that. I’m lost and alone.

I wrap myself in the covers that smell of Killian. I pretend it’s him holding me, soothing me and making everything okay. I hope I don’t wake up because I want to stay in the reality where I didn’t just fuck it all up and lose the most important person in my life.