Page 4 of Bound By Blood and Lies

“Yes,” I respond with confidence. Not because I see the exact path but because she needs me to say it like it is a fact.

“Yes,” I repeat. “It will get better. We will get out of here. We will wear stupid dresses again. You will redecorate somewhere and I will complain about it. And we will sit on a kitchen floor somewhere safe and laugh about how dramatic we were.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

I know it is reckless to promise something you can’t control but love is reckless. I feel it burning in my chest with such conviction it seems hard to believe another option is available for us. I don’t need a man to save me; I just need to use my training to save ourselves. Robyn lifts her hand weakly and hooks her pinky around mine as I hiss slightly from the broken bone in my left hand.

“Pinky promise,” she breathes.

“Pinky promise,” I gently kiss our joined fingers and then drop them.

For a moment, we’re eighteen again on our dorm room floor. Surrounded by fairy lights and stupid dreams. There’s no concrete and there’s no blood. Just Pizza Hut and cookie dough as we realise we won’t be in the same classes for second year. It was the last pinky promise we made. I promised her no matter where she went, I would always be by her side.

I may have slightly messed that up but I won’t again.

Sighing, I pull back as I finish cleaning her. Her eyes are growing heavy by the time I pull the blanket higher around her shoulders. I climb in, making sure my body is closest to the door before she gently pretzels herself around me.

“Do you miss him?” Robyn whispers into the dark.

“Of course I do,” I murmur back automatically. “He’s my twin. I’ve never gone this long without talking to him. It feels… wrong.”

There is a tiny huff of laughter against my collarbone. “No,” she says gently. “Not Felix. Roman.”

“Oh,” the word leaves me on a breath.

Do I miss him? Yes. I miss everything about him. I miss how desired he made me feel, how safe he kept me. I miss his smile and his eyes. I miss how he would literally lift me off his friendsso he could keep all my touches to himself. I miss his quirky food habits and the way he sang in the shower…

“So much,” I admit quietly.

A tear slips from the corner of my eye and disappears into my hairline as the confession scrapes my throat. Robyn’s fingers reach out as she traces absent shapes against my wrist, the feather-light touch so much like Roman’s that it makes my heart pound. I lift my achy arm and press a hand to it as I sigh.

“He’s looking for you, girly pop,” she murmurs and a broken smile tugs at my mouth.

“He probably gave up. It wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows when I left.”

“Impossible,” she whispers and there’s no hesitation in it. “You didn’t want to see what was right in front of you but we all did. That man has loved you for years. He has protected you when you are too drunk, he has fought for you when you weren’t looking. It just took you a while to see it.”

“You think?” I croak.

“I know, girly pop. I know.”

I let out a bigger smile this time as hope floods my chest. I haven’t admitted it out loud, maybe not even to myself, but I have been terrified since I left. The thought of Quinn stepping into the space I walked away from, of her getting Roman’s soft eyes and protective hands, makes a bitterness twist inside me. Some days it hurts more than the bruises.

Every night when I close my eyes, I see the last day I saw him. I convinced myself walking away from him was for his protection. I thought it was the easier choice. I thought Quinn was a safe option.

I was wrong.

He never tried to cage me or shrink me into something easier to hold. He simply stood beside me, even when I pushed him away. He made me feel safe, not weak or owned, but safe enoughto lay down my weapons and trust they would still be there when I picked them back up. God, I miss that. I miss the way his voice drops when he says my name. If he is out there, if he is looking, I know one thing about Roman and that is he doesn’t give up.

“You didn’t close your eyes again.”

“Neither did you,” I whisper as my throat tightens and tears fill my eyes.

Robyn’s fingers twitch in mine, “Why?” she murmurs.

“Because…” I breathe, staring at the wall opposite like it’s something I can dismantle brick by brick if I have to. “I will never let you face the monsters alone.”