Page 66 of Until Death or Defeat

“Or you’d just be dead too.”

Maybe. But I let her die alone. Maybe she was scared. Maybe the car flipped and she cried out and no one heard her. Maybe if I was there I...could have changed something.

“She wanted to take me to a musical and I changed my mind. I guess someone gifted her tickets so we could go together.” He looks like he’s contemplating something, but still disinterested.

It’s so simple, but it hurts. I was young, and I just wanted to sulk alone in bed on my phone. She was sad, too. Disappointed. She went alone anyway, and that’s the last thing she felt when she saw me.

“Fine. What’s yours then?” I ask when he doesn’t speak.

“The same as yours. It should’ve been me, too.”

I’ve never seen him like that. Like maybe he’ll really fall off. Like he’s...human and feeling.

“Let’s jump then. Make the world balanced.” I try to joke dryly.

A smile almost curves on his lip when he finally jumps down from the ledge back onto the roof.

“Not yet,solnishko. I’m not done with your life yet.”

Present

When I wake up in the morning my eyes are sore. I don’t even know how to function, let alone sit up. I wasn’t ready for what Artem told me. I don’t even know how to form thoughts about it.

I slide out of the bed and go to splash some water on my face, sighing at my puffy eyes. I hate when people can tell that I’ve been crying.

I walk into the kitchen, desperate for water and I’m in such a daze I don’t even see Max enter before I turn, jumping with a gasp.

“Holy shit, I’m seriously going to put a bell on all of you,” I say as I open the water bottle.

“Artem told me that he told you,” he says as he leans back against a counter.

“Yeah, apparently I’m the last to know everything, once again.”

I can see that Max feels bad too, even though it has nothing to do with him.

“I thought you knew already, to be fair. I figured your whole family knew.”

I sigh as I set the bottle down. “I don’t know who knows. Or if it’s true. Or who the hell I could even ask and get an honest answer from because so far, my family seems to only keep shit from me and lie to me.”

Max sighs, looking up like he’s trying to brainstorm.

“It might be better if you don’t say anything. Well, that’s what Roman said anyways.”

“Yeah, everyone is always talking about Roman saying shit. Where the fuck is he then? Since he supposedly knows all this shit but he—” my sentence is cut short as a throat clears and I see Artem and Roman walk in.

“Maxim, didn’t I say not to poke your head in where itdoesn’t fucking belong?” Artem says as he passes him, smacking the back of Max’s head.

I’m about to scold him for hitting Max when he was only being nice to me, but when he gets to me, he puts his hand on my head and looks in my eyes like he’s searching for something.

“You still haven’t eaten, you should try to get something down.”

I feel stuck for a moment looking into his gaze before I force my eyes away.

“I’m not really hungry,” I say softer than I was speaking before.

“Eat. Or I’ll make you,” he says demandingly, and I want to bite back, but his hand softly rubs my hair. Why is he doing this to me today? Couldn’t he be annoying Artem today?

I don’t even have the strength to roll my eyes as I turn to grab a piece of fruit from the counter, I don’t even think I can force anything else down with how I feel right now.