Page 55 of Until Death or Defeat

She shakes her head a bit, looking down.

“This life isn’t simple. I wish I could keep you here and let you be as carefree as you’ve always been under your father, but it isn’t the same here. They’re still out there,” I admit, and she looks up at me.

“Who?”

“They raped her and then killed her right in front of me,and they left me there alone to deal with her body. I haven’t found them since then.”

Her eyes are wide, and I can see her breathing change.

“Fucking everywhere, I’ve searched for ten years. They’re in hiding now, but what stops them from showing up tomorrow? Finding you? It only takes one single time, just seeing you with me that they realize who you are to me and...”

“And who am I to you?”

My eyes look up to hers, and I try to reel my anger back in at recalling the memory of these bastards.

“You’re my wife.”

“If that’s all I am, then I don’t see why you’re so worried about my safety.”

Goddamn her. “Like I said, you’re family now.”

“You’re the dumbest man I’ve ever fucking met, Artem,” she seethes as she sets her unfinished glass down harshly on the bar counter and stands up. “Why do you keep doing this to me? Showing me some side of you I’ve never seen and then going back on it. Which one is real?”

“They’re both real.”

She shakes her head, slapping her hand on the edge of the counter. “No, you’re lying to me again. You told me you wouldn’t lie to me.”

I close my eyes as she reminds me of the promise I made.

What do I do? Lie to her and keep her safely at arms-length or tell her fucking everything and risk it all.

“I hate you more than anything, I always have,” she says quietly, her eyes watering. “I hate you so much that it fucking hurts. It feels like something sharp and aching lodged into my heart,” she takes a shuddering breath, clenching her hands over her chest in desperation.

She says the word hate, but I know it isn’t the word she means.

Giselle and I are the same; we both refuse to love.

She’s too proud to admit she loves anyone, afraid they’re going to hold some sort of power over her. And I’m afraid that if I admit I love someone, I’m going to disappoint them. I’m going to lose myself again and have my world shattered if I let someone else in.

I reach my hand out to cup her cheek, and she shakes her head as a tear falls.

“I don’t want this, Artem. I want you to say you hate me right now. Call me that rude fucking Russian nickname and push me away like you always do. Stop touching me like this and looking at me like you need me. I want to go back to how we were before the wedding.”

My thumb wipes the tear off her cheek, and I tilt my head. “I hate you too, more than anything. Can you feel it?” I grab her hand and force her palm flat on my chest over my heart.

She nods, her lip still quivering.

“As long as my heart is beating, I’ll hate you as long as you let me. Forever,solnishko.”

Her flat palm closes, clenching tightly on my shirt.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, I would rather die. So please, want something else from me. I can’t let you get any deeper in this than you already are.”

She parts her lips to answer but the door to the den is shoved open, and my brothers walk in, immediately dissolving the moment.

“Thank fuck you’re okay,” Maxim says as he walks towards us.

Both of our hands dropped quickly, and she takes a breath.