Page 49 of Until Death or Defeat

He’s preparing to leave the room when I finally force myself to speak up. The shame from my fuck-up has been eating at me and I can’t take it anymore. It’s one thing to mess with Artem, and another to mess with the bratva. I’m sure that his family and his men will assume I’m some stupid, crazy little girl for what I did and resent me. It’s killing me inside feeling like I’ll drag his family down when I boasted for years about being a good fit as a Family Head.

“I won’t embarrass your family again,” I almost whisper, looking down at my lap. I’m surprised I was even able to squeeze the words out of myself, and they almost didn’t come out loud enough for him to hear.

He sighs and walks over to me again, towering over me as I sit, but his hand is gentle as it glides down the back of my head.

“You don’t embarrass me, you only drive me insane. You told me yourself I’d be lucky to have a chance with someone like you, didn’t you?”

My eyes look up to meet his, and I falter when I see his eyes staring right down into mine.

“I made a mistake. You reacted poorly. It’s handled, so just forget about it. I won’t cause that reaction from you again.”

I nod once, taking a deep breath. I’m shocked at his soft, reassuring words and promises. I’ve never had someone do this before or had anyone try to...work with me instead of insist against me.

His hand rests on my head now as he continues.

“Hold yourself proudly. You’remywife. No one thinks poorly of you, I wouldn’t let them.”

I feel my heart flutter in my chest and heturns to leave the room.

“I’m the only one allowed to hate you so freely,solnishko,” he says with a devilish smile as he closes the door.

I can’t take any more of this fucking whiplash. Does this man even know themeaningof the word hate?

Yes, I let him distract me occasionally, but come on, a woman needs to cum once in a while doesn’t she?

How badly have I fucked up?

Because I didn’t know women could even get post-nut clarity, but now I feel like I’m panicking. I stand and pace the room and relive the last fucking twenty minutes of my life over and over.

I let fuckingArtem. . . God no. I need Reina immediately.

No. Bad idea. She’s going to fucking celebrate.

I can never let something like that happen again. No matter the tension we both have been ignoring the last nine years, we have literally never crossedthiskind of line. I’ve let it all get too blurred and crossed and now he thinks he’s got some sort of ownership over my body because I let myself get swept away.

Or maybe I let it happen because of the residual guilt over what I did?

I don’t even know why I did it.

And I want to slap myself because for some reason, now I’m chasing after Artem’s fucking validation just like I did with my father. I amnotprepared at this point in my life to suddenly face the fact that I might have fucking daddy issues.

That’s the only explanation for this, right? My dad rejects me my entire life, barely notices me unless it’s convenient for him or the Family, and then somehow right out of high school in a low moment I meet some bratva born asshole who says the same words my father has and I’mdyingto show him he’s wrong.

I even dedicateyearsto him.

Oh mygod.

I’m a fucking cliché.

Okay—yeah. I need Reina now.

I pick up my phone from the nightstand and quickly find her contact and press facetime. Please pick up.

“Hey! I’m with Michael, but?—”

“Get in a bathroom or a panic room immediately, please. I don’t need him to hear this.”

She laughs but tells him she has to go talk to me alone as I pace the room waiting.