Page 42 of Until Death or Defeat

“Sometimes you’re the only person I trust,” she admits quietly. “I know what you want, I know your limits and you know mine, and I know that in the past nine years you’re theonly person who has never betrayed me. You fucking push me to the edge of sanity but you don’t let me break. And I’ve never known someone this long and felt like that, not even my family. So as much as I fucking hate to say it, I trust you.”

“Don’t say that,” I say softly, pushing the hair back off her face.

“Whatever, I didn’t mean it,” she says, realizing she opened up too much and trying to close back up. I let out a chuckle as I lean forward again towards her face.

“Fine, I change my mind then. Forget what I said before. Trust no one but me.Only me.”

Her wide eyes search mine for sincerity, and then she nods slowly.

Fuck it.

I slam my lips onto hers, claiming them in a deep, punishing kiss. I shouldn’t be doing this. I let this get too intimate; too deep. I’m thinking with the wrong fucking head. I can’t help it when she looks at me like that.

Why does she have to look at me like that after all the shit we’ve put each other through? Why does it feel like years of pushing her away and making her hate me has had the opposite effect on us both?

I keep my hand on the back of her neck, holding the nape firmly as my tongue explores her mouth. I can feel her moan against my lips and I feel like I’m going to go feral.

This woman just blew up my car casually because she thought I told a lie, and instead of telling her to get the fuck out of my house, I want her more than ever. That makes me some sort of fucking masochist.

“I trust you.”

Her words are rattling in my head. Should she trust me? I could get her fucking killed. I have people who want nothing more than to kill me and everyone I love at any moment, andsomehow she’s been forced into being with me as I wait for them to come and try.

She should be afraid of me, afraid of all the bullshit that comes with me. She should see me and fucking tremble and run the other direction. Nine years of trying to evoke that emotion from her and it has never worked.

Now, I’m fucking pissed that I’m sitting here, kissing the woman I hate more than anything. Now,I’mthe one who has to care for her and keep her alive. I don’t even know if I can. What good am I if I can’t even keep the women I love alive...

No.

I should stop.

I should pull away now before I let her lose herself in this, before I let her think that things are changing. Before I letmyselfthink things are changing. Fuck, it’s too hard to pull myself away from her sweet lips. Our tongues dance with each other again, and she whimpered.

And it wasmine.

This sound.

This feeling.

Her.

I somehow force my lips off of her, drinking in the sight of her hazy eyes and swollen lips. I take a moment to catch my breath.

“Don’t forget you’re still going to be punished,solnishko. You can’t just kiss me like that and think I’ll forget.” She glares at me as I release her wrists to unbuckle my belt, sliding it out of the loops as I take it to attach her wrists to the metal bars of the headboard.

“What are you going to do to me?” She tries to tug on the belt, but it doesn’t budge.

“Nothing,” I say with a sly smirk.

She furrows her brows as I undo my dress pants and pullmy cock out of my briefs. Her eyes widen, and I can see her change in breathing as she takes in the sight of it for the first time.

“See something you like?”

She immediately changes her expression to hide her arousal. “Fuck no. I’ve seen better.”

A growl escapes my lips as I reach to grasp her hair tightly.

“Yeah? Who? I’ll fucking kill them all.”