Page 65 of Psychotic Nightmares

Well I wasn’t expecting that. I for sure thought that if she didn’t want to be with me then she would pick Julian. I love her, but I know he can look after her in ways I can’t. He can help with her dark side,he can allow her to embrace that side. And although I’m elated she got her vengeance against Pa, seeing her like that almost broke me. I’m used to seeing Julian psychotic, I grew up with his craziness. However, I’ve never seen Grace like that and it scared me so much. I’m used to the fun side, the side where we dance around hotel rooms and cuddling up on the beach watching the sunset.

Not watching her commit murder.

And watching her take that bastard’s life made me realise how much she needs Julian.

She doesn’t need me.

Yet, I still wanted her to choose me.

“I’m not saying that I don’t love you both,” she continues, keeping her full attention on us, ensuring we’re listening, “because I do, and that’s why this decision is so fucking hard to make.” She sighs then clears her throat. “I have to focus on my daughter. I have to make sure she is okay first.” She starts to pick at the skin around her nails.

Why is she nervous to tell us this, does she think we won’t understand?

“Of course.” I nod, I see her visibly relax. Julian looks lost in thought. I hope he doesn’t judge her for her decision. She turns to look at him, his fingersmove from the bottom of her foot to her ankle and calf, grounding himself by touching her.Just as I used to do. “Ju-”

“Then what?” Julian quips before I finish calling him.

“Then, I,” she closes her eyes and is silent for a few moments. “New year.” She says randomly, her remarkable blue eyes opening slowly to take in our expressions.

“Huh?” Julian and I saytogether.

“I have to concentrate on Anya and Gustin. I have to heal myself too. I know I won’t be one hundred percent by new years and neither will they. But I’ll make my decision then.”

“Decision about what?” Julian asks out loud my thoughts.

“Decision on who I want to be with. That’s if you still want to be with me too by then. And yes, I know it’s selfish on my part to ask you both to wait for me. But it’s so fucking hard.” She doesn’t hold back her tears now. “I shouldn’t ask, and if you want to tell me where to shove my question I understand.” She furiously starts wiping at her face with the back of her hands. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. God, what’s wrong with me?” Her fingers curl into her hair and she starts tugging slightly. I lean forward and take her hands in mine.

“Why?” Julian asks.

“Why what?” She sniffs.

“Why would you have to choose?”

“What?” I cough.

Grace

“I mean,” he exhales. “Why should she have to choose? Na - I mean, Grace. You focus on your child. That is the right thing to do. I know I won’t stop doing whatever you need me to do to help you heal, and if I know Dante, neither will he. We will help you all. Our job is to help those who need it.” He chuckles.

His job is technically killing people he has been hired to kill, but I guess if he calls that helping people then I’ll let him believe that.

“That’s right. Where exactly are you going with this?” Dante raises an eyebrow, my fingers still twisted with his, as he looks toward his best friend.

Julian leans forward and takes my face in his large, warm hands. I relax into them. My skin heats with both of them touching me.

I just wish they would touch me elsewhere.

WHAT THE FUCK!Where did that thought come from? I blink a few times to help concentrate on what Julian is saying.

“Don’t force yourself to choose. Let yourself naturally gravitate to whomever you feel more love for. I know you say you love us both, but you must feel more love for one of us.” I shake my head. “Do you love us equally?” I nod. “Okay, how about you choose us both?”

I swear my eyes go the size of UFO's. I open them that wide. Did Julian just say both?BOTH? Dante's jaw almost hits the floor.

“What?”

Both? Both of these ruggedly stunning men could be mine?

Geez, get a fucking grip, Grace. It’s never going to happen.