Page 56 of Psychotic Nightmares

“Yes, mine andyours, Natalie. We share a child together, you ain’t ever getting rid of me. I hope every time you see that little whore you think of me. She wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for me.” I wrap my hand around his throat. Squeezing until he starts to gasp.

“It’s true. You are her biological father.” I spit. “But I will parent her enough that shewon’t need a dad in her life. She has a family now, one that will make sure she is never hurt again. I don’t see you when I look at her. Do you want to know what I see?” He doesn’t move. “I see a strong girl. I see a survivor, I see a Goddamn hero.”

“Hero?” He wheezes.

“When she grows up, she will heal herself like I did. She will be her own hero, because no matter how many people surround us, in here,” I point to my chest, “and in here,” I tap my temple, the knife shining in the corner of my eye, “we have to fix ourselves. Others may help a little, but we have to do most of the work. We are our own heroes. People like you try to break us, try to tear us down. But we won’t let you.Iwon’t let anyone dim her light any more. She will shine brighter than any of you bastards who have hurt her.” I let go of his throat, picking the tongs back up and going back to my previous job. I bring the knife back down and continue to glide the blade across the thin skin keeping his balls connected. “I will start with you. Next is your wife.”

“Natalie,” he tries to intimidate me with his growl.

“Uh uh, I told you that’s not my name.”

“Grace-Ann Searle.” He sneers, “fucking stupid name given to you by stupid people.” I stab his leg. “Fuck.”

“I happen to love that name.” I look up, the others stare down at me, I hope they understand my meaning by that sentence.

Another slice and I break the skin. I cut slowly, deliberately drawing out as much pain as I can. Pa’s screams quieten down into low moans. I start humming to myself, dissociating myself from the reality of me slicing off the balls of mydaughter’s rapist - her own father. The twelve days of Christmastune bounces off thewalls repeatedly as I hum it over and over again.

Three more slices with the knife and they’re completely off. I stand and finally speak, asking Dante to remove his hand that he shoved back over Pa’s mouth a few minutes ago. He obeys immediately. Jerking pa’s jaw open as wide as it will go.

Pa’s eyes catch mine as I shove them into the back of his throat and remove my mask. He starts to choke on the makeshift ball gag, but I don’t care. His eyes start to fade of life, while I assume mine shine brighter. “I’m finally free ofyou. You will never touch my child, any child again.” His breathing goesshallow, I feelthe pressure of vomit trying to force the balls out of his mouth, but I holdthem there. He isn'tgoing to get to live longer because he issick. He deserves the worst kind of death. “You can’t haunt me anymore.” I whisper as he draws his final breath.

Taking a step back, I stare down at the corpse of my dead foster father, my pa, whom I just tortured and killed.

What have I done?

And why don’t I feel any type of regret or guilt?

We are our own heroes, only we can start to fix what’s broken inside us.

And my fix is to focus on healing.

I look up to both the men, urine leaking down myleg, it must be my body releasingyears ofstress, finally my whole body relaxes into a state of bliss.I reach out to my masked saviours,each one taking one of my hands as I drag them close and lean my head betweentheir shoulders. I am finally free of the monster who taunted me all these years, who haunted my dreams, who raped my child and possibly impregnanted her. I am free of my boss, my bully. I am free. Finally fucking free.

And now, I have one last thing to do.

“We need to talk.” I say. “And change my trousers.”

They laugh, but not at me, they laugh with me, no judgment in their eyes. I love these men. And now I have to tell them my decision.

Twelve days of Christmas

Natalie’s version

On the first week of freedom

My new life gave to me;

New spikey weapons

crazy murderous frenzies

My Stalker Stalking

One sassy child

Crazy covert friends

Dance and pizza parties