Page 45 of Psychotic Nightmares

“Thank you.” I whimper. “Even though I don’t know your name. I feel the safest in your presence.”

Safest in his presence. That's how I felt for years. And now he is the one I feel fearful of. The sound of a gunshot makes me jump. This is it, this is where I die.

“Nat.” Pea calls for me gently. “Nat, it’s okay.” Oh, so he couldn’t do it himself so sends someone else to do it.

“Peacock.” I whimper.

“Yeah.” she holds her hand out for me, I take it and she pulls me up. “Come on, we’re leaving this place. I’m going to take you somewhere where he won’t touch you.”

“So you’re not here to kill me?”

“No, silly. I’m taking you to a safe place.”

As I’m about to ask where, Nico rushes around the corner. “New auntie, come on, hurry. Auntie Pea said we can have pizza and a dance party.” He jumps up and down. “And we are all having a sleepover at my house!”

thirteen

Dante

Idrive to the target's house in silence, the tension in the van is palpable.How the fuck could he lock her in that room?It made a little more sense when the big boss arrived and gave us our assignment. Two men who gang raped four college students. But still - he could have just left her at her apartment like she wanted. He could have asked her to stay in his bedroom while the big boss was there. He could have just told him the fucking truth, that he has a girlfriend. But no, in classic Julian fashion - he goes too fucking far. I try not to let my anger for him show, I can’t let him know my true feelings for the woman who broke my heart, not when we’re on the way to a job, but I can’t help but feel exasperated. With Julian and with myself. After five years I thought my feelings for her would have dissipated, but they’re still as strong as ever. I can’t let Julian know how I truly feel, I need him to keep thinking I hate her. It is easier for everyone.Everyone but me.

At least with this job we didn’t need to take Pea so I could leave Nico with her. I sent her a quick message while Julian was getting his weapons ready telling her to take Natalie to my house. I hope she does. Julian will be pissed when he sees Natalie isn’t there anymore, but at least she will besafe.And that is the main thing.

“I’ll stay in the van today. You two can go in.” Julian orders. “Try not to fuck it up.”

“Like we would.” Bull replies. “I guess we kill them straight out seeing as you already have the locked room occupied.”

“I had to do it.”

“You didn’t have to do fuck all.” I sneer. “You literally kidnapped her off the fucking street, Julian. If you didn’t want her to see the big boss, you should have left her at her home. But instead you throw a fucking tantrum and break into her apartment.”

“You can shut the fuck up. If you never took her on a date I wouldn’t have had to go as far as I did.”No, he can’t blame me for this. He was completely fine with it this morning - unless he was putting on a front.

“Bullshit.” I pull over and stop the van. “You know that’s complete fucking bullshit Julian. She told me she told you she wanted space, and you follow us. I told you it was Nico that invited her out.”

“It wasn’t Nico that was looking at her like they wanted to rip her fucking clothes off.” He laughs darkly. “Last week you hated her, so what’s changed? Because she was nice to your child. Or because she’s mine?”

“She belongs to no-one. It’s about time you see that.”

“She belonged to someone once.” He slams a book into my chest, one he takes from his jacket pocket. I flip through the pages and recognise the handwriting instantly. “She said so herself, she belonged to her Pa, then she belonged to her boyfriend, then me.”Shit, did she write my name in here? Does he know?“And now all her feelings have come back for this guy, he didn’t care for five fucking years and she wants to go back to him.”She does?“She told me this morning that she wants to maybe try and give it another go with this guy.” He smacks his chest. “I was the one who protected her for years, and now she wants to leave me like I’m nothing. I’m not nothing, God damn it!” His voice cracks a little in the last sentence as he slams his fist down on the dashboard. “I’m not nothing.” He whispers. “I told her I’m okay with her going back to him, I told her I don’t want to know who he is, and I really don’t. I just thought she would have chosenme.”

He doesn’t know it's me. I breathe a quick sigh of relief. And she wants to give us another chance. I smile slightly under my mask. Then my heart drops at his final confession. We both want her. And she loves us both. God help us.

“Were you even in an exclusive relationship?” Bull asks.

“Not exclusively, no, but I told her all the time that I love her. She told me too last week.”Yeah, don’t remind me.As Bull tries to explain that just because two people love each other it doesn’t mean they have to be together. I flick through more pages. There’s many pages detailing everything her adoptive parents put her through. It makes me feel physically sick. I know they abused her, I just didn’t know how.

“Say what you want. We were in a fucking relationship and now just because her memory’s come back she wants to end things. I won’t allow it.” He snatches the book from my hands. “We have a job to do. Now drive.”

“Her voice has been taken from her for most of her life.” I grit my teeth. “And now youwon’t allow herto walk away from whatever you guys had. You aren’t respecting her decision, Julian.”

“Try and fucking say I’m as bad as them assholes and I will have no qualms about slicing your throat this second.” He removes the boxcutter from his jacket pocket and fiddles with it. He wants blood to spill, he needs to stab someone, to slice someone up.

Including me.

I won’t be able to grab my gun fast enough to stop him, so start the engine back up. Going back to work and ignoring my best friend's anger.

I narrow my eyes and look in the rearview mirror towards Bull . He tenses and relaxes his fists, just as frustrated at me. He gives me a quick nod and I smirk. Julian is in for it after this job. And for once in our lives, I won’t be there to fight his corner. Bull is the only one who can overpower Julian when he gets like this. I’m the one who can normally talk him down, but right now. He can go and fuck himself. I was tempted to pull the bigboss aside and tell him everything. I would have too if I knew with all my heart he wouldn’t have hurt Natalie. But I can’t guarantee her safety when it comes to him.