Page 32 of Psychotic Nightmares

“I remember seeing you there, you looked so beautiful I couldn’t help but stop and take a picture.” Dante smiles. “And then I saw you again and I just had to ask you out.” The blush that crosses his cheeks is adorable as he looks down embarrassed.

I reach across and hold his hand, we’ve officially been dating for four months now and he’s just handed me a beautiful framed picture of me on the beach the day I was offered the job in the bank. I stroke my fingers over the picture.

“Makes me sound like a creep right? I swear though, I’m really not.”

“I know.” I laugh. “Honestly, that day was one of the happiest days of my life, and now knowing I wasn’t alone. Well that brings me even more joy.” He lifts my knuckles and gives them a swift kiss.

Dante - my boyfriend. My brilliant, kind, charming Italian that showed me how to love and how to be loved for the first time in my life.

I get up and start pacing, taking the IV drip stand with me. Nico looks up, but only for a millisecond before going back to his video. Thank goodness for kids and their obsessions with screens.

“Nat?” Dante goes to follow me but I shake my head, I can’t listen to him right now, not when the memory is replaying again and again in my mind.

This is just my mind tricking me right? RIGHT?

“You weren't alone, you have me and Nico.”

“Nico?”

“My son.” He trembles as he tells me. And not just his hands, his whole body vibrates with nerves.

“You have a child.” I grin, put the photo on the table and take both his hands in mine, giving my boyfriend my full attention. “Is this what you wanted to tell me before?” He nods. “How old is he?”

“Just turned two.” He beams. His eyes glow like talking about his son is the most exciting thing in the world. My heart soars at noticing how much he adores his little boy. “You don’t mind? I’m a single father, I know I should have told you sooner but I was scared. Scared of losing you. I understand if you want to leave.” I put a finger against his lips.

“It’s okay. I can’t wait to meet him.” I beam. “Honestly, seeing you with a child would have made me fall for you even faster.”

I can’t speak. Is my brain playing tricks on me? Giving me false memories to replace the bad ones. Or are these the memories I forgot after the accident? Were the police right in saying I had a partner? More of the memory comes through, I close my eyes to concentrate on the images.

“What?” He chuckles.

“I love you, Dante. I love your gentleness, your sweet personality, your heart. And now I know you have a baby at home, well that just made me fall even deeper for you.” I lean across the table and give him a quick kiss. “Because not many single dads stay kind. You are a rare specimen Dante, I am so lucky to call you mine. Amore mio.”

“Ti amo, gattina.” He strokes his fingers into my hair and captures my lips with his.

“Dante.” I choke. “Oh my God.” I look down and fully see the picture, nowslightly crumpled. “It was you.” I stroke the creases along the photo. “It was you.” I say again, unable to make myself believe it. Standing in front of him I pull his shirt down a little until I see the outline of his tattoo. “Oh my God.” Another memory comes through of the small scar behind his ear. Which I check and it’s there. “Dante... Dante Moreno.” I double and triple check the scar and tattoo. “It wasyou.” I’m running my fingers along every bit of skin I see to make sure he’s real. “Fuck. Why did I forget you? Why you?” I whisper, just to make sure Nico doesn’t hear me. “It shouldn’t have been you.”

“What are you doing?” He looks confused as I grab his face and look into his eyes, my legs on either side of him as I stand in front of him. “Nat…”

“I lost my memories due to the accident. I didn’t leave you.” I sob. His eyes never leave mine as they soften, realizing what happened. But I have to tell him. I have to let him know. “I didn’t leave you Dante. I would’ve never left you. Not you. Neveryou.” I can’t believe Dante was the guy I was with the night of the accident. When the police were questioning me I asked them why. They said to let my partner know what had happened. I replied I was single because I honestly believed I was, then thought they got it wrong when they said they found hickeys on my neck and breast. They weren't wrong though.They weren't wrong. I had Dante and because my phone was never found they couldn’t get any contact information. “I didn’t leave you.” I whisper, stroking a stray tear away that falls down his cheek. “I’m sorry you thought that I did.” I choke. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Nat.” He glances across to his son quickly then brings me close, I hide my face into his shoulder and shuffle closer into his chest. He lifts me until I’m sitting on the bed beside him, my legs across his lap. “It’s okay.” He strokes my hair while shushing. That’s why it felt so familiar that night, because he had done this time and time again after my nightmares. “It’s okay. I believe you.”

I wrap my arms around him and hold him close. Why is the universe so cruel to make me forget Dante? Why did it have to be him I forgot and not Pa or Ma. Why did it have to be the first person I ever felt love toward? His fingers stroke gentle circles on my back, then lines. A few strokes later I realise he’s writing something. Taking a few deep breaths to concentrate he repeats the motion.

Ti amo.

A few minutes pass, my loud sobs have slowed down to sniffles and Dante is still writing on my back with his finger. I noticed he sniffs a few times against my own shoulder, where he lays his head.

Ti amo.

Ti amo.

Ti amo.

He repeats the saying time and time again. My heart sinks. For all this time he thought I’d ghosted him. No, no I would’ve never done that to him. To any of them. When he showed me a photo of little Nico that day, I instantly felt my heart soar for the adorable little boy. And hearing about how his mother neglected him, I felt some kind of bond and protectiveness for him. We made plans to meet up the next day. The day after the accident happened. So while I was lying in a hospital bed fighting for my life, my boyfriend and his son were at the beach waiting for me to come and build sandcastles with them. And none of us knew what was happening with the other.

”Papa. Is auntie okay?” Nico’s voice is full of quiet concern.